To all fours

Posted by Ronnie on January 04, 1900 at 05:10:02:

In Reply to: Some thoughts. posted by Julian on January 03, 19100 at 10:38:08:

I checked out the thread and there were things you could write a novel about when thinking about all the connections and meanings of things...and I'm not kidding. At the same time it's hard to decide where to begin with, so I'll just start.

As far as I've understood, the basic four problem isn't the experience of rejection, feeling different or whatever along those lines. The first thing a four has to remember that a four isn't the same as their emotions.
If you wonder why people see you (and I hate using generative 'you' but I don't see any other way here) as flighty, unbearable, overdramatic and/or unreliable, the reason is just that you think you're the same as your emotions.

I'll use Summer as an example. (nothing personal, I was gonna reply to that message anyway) "I feel there's not much i can say there - when i'm around someone really aggressive and overbearing, like my sister, I feel completely squashed in her presence." Most people couldn't replace "feel" with "am" in the quote, but at least most fours might. Believe or not, *all* people experience those feelings from time to time, some more often and some seldom, but everyone does. It's the way how one reacts to those feelings that makes the difference. Just a note--I'm not saying there wouldn't be differences in the way how people perceive events, their own feelings and so on, but basically everyone can experience every feeling, it's just that the defense mechanisms make it impossible in real life.

An eight might try to "counter-squash" the overbearing person, depending on the situation. A nine would do what the other person wants. A seven would just leave if s/he didn't have fun.

At any rate, the difference is that other people might say "She made me *feel* squashed", a four might say "She squashed me". That's a very important difference.

I'm pretty sure that the need to be special, unique, genuine and all the rest comes from the deep attachment to emotions, seeing fourself in the current emotion. As emotions change from moment to moment, they are a really insecure foundation, leaving a feeling of deep insecurity. "Why don't I know who I am?" This generates a need to be genuine, to find the "true" emotions that really don't exist. "Others seem to have similar emotions and feelings to mine, but aren't as affected by them." This generates a need to be special and unique. How does a four become special and unique? By being creative.

Ok, why others are so affected by this, then? Because they very likely experience the same feelings themselves. A healthy, balanced four might express the feelings other feel but can't express (I need a thesaurus here) in a way others can accept and appreciate. An average four expresses the feelings as they come, thus *increasing* the instability in others. The four might think s/he's being genuine and truthful, but his/her behavior and attitudes change accroding to where the wind blows from next. This makes the others feel (unconsciously) that feelings are untrustworthy and even dangerous, strenghten their own defences against them and write off the four as being weird or worse. I've heard comments such as "fours are honest, that's why people don't like them", but I find it hard to imagine anyone appreciating someone causing more insecurity and instability.

Assuming the other person is not affected by the four as I described above, possibly because of arrogance, the four might receive amused smiles, slight put-downs, mild disbelief and/or ignorance. That's because the other person might well experience the same feelings inside as the four does, but they don't rock him/her as much. A rude remark might even be just a knee-jerk reaction to seeing someone being affected by something that "shouldn't" affect. "Shouldn't" in the way that the reaction is way too strong when compared to the stimulus.

I'm running out of steam now, but I'd like to say something that's related to above. If you think of an average one, you're likely to wish, at times, that the one wouldn't be so rigid, moralistic and insisting the one right way. An average two would be better with less manipulative traits and less proud about things no one asked the two to do. A five shouldn't be so cerebral, unemotional and withdrawn. An average eight--oh boy, a bulldozer? Why can't that eight relax and give space to others? An average nine, why doesn't that niner have any opinions?

BUT, when we talk about average fours, it's "individual's deepest right to be emotional, unique and special" and restricing emotions is "tearing off the essence". I've never understood why one single type would be good at the average levels, when the others should try and grow. But then, there are so many things I don't understand.

Ronnie

Follow Ups:

• Re: To all fours Tiggy 17:45:24 1/04/00 (4)
  • Re: To all fours Ronnie 09:33:08 01/05/00 (3)
    • Re: To all fours Julian 14:29:05 01/05/00 (2)
      • Re: To all fours Ronnie 16:26:36 01/05/00 (1)
        • Re: To all fours Tiggy 19:25:17 01/05/00 (0)
• Re: To all fours Julian 13:57:34 1/04/00 (0)

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