A 5 confession - has anyone else ever experienced the same thing?

Posted by Margaret on July 19, 2000 at 20:57:05:

Here's a 5-ish confession of mine.

In my twenties I slept during the day and was wide awake at night.

I used to like the night better because I felt more comfortable and less invaded and intruded.

(I was also the only woman who was a night owl wherever I went.)
(I also never talked outloud to anyone ever but probably spoke a total of 10-20 words during almost that entire span of years.)

But the night always felt so comfortable and peaceful, and the early mornings too.

No one could see me, not like the day time, where everyone could see me and judge me and *that* was the stress I associated with day time - there I was staning under braod daylight -a target easiliy accessible to anyone and everyone to judge away ruthlessly as possible.

The night always felt safer - free from ruthless judgement.

And when the daytime came I got tired and couldn't stay awake with all the liveliness and noise and busy-ness and stress so I would hide away under the covers and close all the heavy dark curtains and sleep away the people who seemed to always want stressful demands from me.

But this past year or so, I began to see what I missed - the sun, and what it made easier for us to develop: companionship, friendship, love and caring.

It came in hand in learning to be careful in what and especially with whom I choose to spend my precious daytime hours with though.

Because when I make the wrong choice or decision - and end up spending too much very bad poor emotional quality time with someone else during the daytime -
I'm back to square one again - the awake at night and sleepy during the day makes my sleep go backward again.

I sought safety from people's emotional negativity at night when they were sleeping.

It works at times when I need it.

But I don't want to live my life like that anymore in the darkness at night.

I now struggle during the day a lot - I have a fulltime day job and when it gets so stressful I do all I can to stay awake and not fall over uncounscious with dead fatigue.

My question is - has anyone else ever experience a sleep, tired, awake time change directly porportionate to as well as a direct instant reaction to the amount of stress that goes on in one's life?

Or am I the only one here?

Follow Ups:

• Wow! I'm so relieved! Jason 00:04:32 09/01/00 (0)
• You're not the only one Abi 21:52:38 07/21/00 (1)
  • Thank you so much Margaret 15:30:39 07/22/00 (0)
• You need an exorcism. Seriously nt benwalla 16:37:40 07/20/00 (8)
  • Even though I agree, can you Mr. Benwalla state a public record that you are NOT me since paranoid Margaret seems to think I follow her every move? Cory [nt] 00:39:37 07/24/00 (1)
    • How about getting your internet provider to provide me with proof the times you logged on and off? If you're too afraid, then you're hiding - who else could it be anyway? Margaret 21:34:23 07/25/00 (0)
  • Re: this kind of comment bothers me Laurence 09:21:13 07/21/00 (1)
    • Thank you Laurence, also to "benwalla" (cory): Margaret 13:50:44 07/22/00 (0)
  • I exagerated everything - I felt inferior & sought to "show off" how "5ish" I can be too - but I ended up over doing it (again) & now feel like an idiot nt Margaret 21:46:37 07/20/00 (3)
    • Final comment about this thread: Margaret 13:58:24 07/22/00 (0)
    • The other reason why I hate needing to exagerate and show off is because it destroys my credibilty afterwrds when I take things back - (DANGIT!!) (I *hate* bad habits!!!)nt Margaret 21:50:09 07/20/00 (1)
      • Please read the above "Final comments about this thread" nt Margaret 13:59:53 07/22/00 (0)
• Re:Sounds like count dracula bit you Jimeny 23:29:56 07/19/00 (0)

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