good questions

Posted by Abi on December 01, 2000 at 19:00:45:

In Reply to: Serious idea exchange anyone? posted by Rotten Apple on December 01, 2000 at 11:04:32:

: Thinking about power struggles in interpersonal relationships. Seems to me that the majority of people relationships (not just romantic relationships) are usually unequal-- many people seem to be seeking either a dominant or a submissive role to play-- probably dependent on what they are used to/comfortable with/feel is expected. People are always organizing themselves in hierarchies and complex social systems where dominance/submission is dependent on a variety of often-arbitrary factors set up by an individual's cultural situation.

: I'm curious how type 5s handle these power games when not able to avoid them. (I'm assuming here that other type 5s are like me and generally perplexed by social posturing).

Hi, RA. You might be interested in an interpretation of Karen Horney's work that I've been mulling over. I was re-reading Our Inner Conflicts recently and I got the distinct impression that she did not see what's come to be known as the Hornevian Triads as equal conflict solution attempts.

"The attempt was to eclipse part of the conflict and raise its opposite to predominance. The second was to 'move away from' people. The function of neurotic detachment now appearred in a new light. Detachment was part of the basic conflict-that is, one of the original conflicting attitudes toward others; but it also represented an attempt at solution, since maintaining an emotional distance between the self and others set the conflict out of operation."

This ties in with your post because I believe we all first try to play the dominant/submissive (assertive/compliant) game that is found throughout nature in social groups. But then some of us (4-5-9) opt out of the game altogether.

When confronted, how do you defend yourself? When someone leads you to play a role, what is your reaction? Would your reactions differ in a work environment as opposed to a social environment and if so, why?

My reactions absolutely differ between these two environments because the consequences of not playing my hierarchical "role" at work can prove harmful to my resources. Also, I feel I have a limited responsibility to try and get along with the people I work with.

In a social environment, I feel no need to play such games but try not to hurt anyone with my choices.

In both environments, I choose my fights with care. Most things are not worth fighting over.

Like you, I am also perplexed by social posturing. When I come up against it, it's as if I say to myself.."oh, right, THAT game".

When you meet someone new, what is the first thing about yourself you are likely to reveal?

That my perception of reality is only that - MY perception.

: Another curiosity, 5s definitely have issues with "role" vs. "identity". How do you make the distinction?

What distinction??? HA! Just kidding. I suppose it's a matter of degree.
If the "real me" was the director, then the 'identity' would be the actor and the 'role' would be the character.

BTW, I'm 5w4 social INT/FJ

Follow Ups:

• Good answers, more questions. Rotten Apple 01:13:55 12/02/00 (4)
  • more answers & a question for you Abi 10:06:19 12/03/00 (3)
    • An answer for YOU Rotten Apple 16:50:59 12/03/00 (2)
      • Re: An answer for YOU Laurence 02:56:53 12/04/00 (1)
        • An answer for YOU, LAURENCE RoTtEn ApPlE 10:52:09 12/04/00 (0)

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