Posted by bilo on December 29, 2000 at 19:03:15:
In Reply to: Re: depressed fives? posted by Dorga on December 29, 2000 at 13:15:35:
Dorga, thanks for your input and insight. I had no luck with St John's Wort, but what I read suggests that it can be really effective for some people. It's a different chemical to the SSRIs which work for me, an MAOI, I believe. I think the whole issue of medication is something individuals have to assess for themselves. I'd have been very happy not to have taken it, but it did change my life for the better, and I am grateful, and humble.
Anyway -- it sounds like you've turned being a 5 into an asset, not a liability, and that's what I am working on right now. I liked your description of your psychology as "fussy"! I know the feeling! Thanks so much for your input.
: : I am a 5w4, INTx. I sometimes test as a 4, but I know I am a 5; I occasionally test as INTJ, but mostly INTP.
: : Over the last eighteen months or so, I have suffered from clinical depression. During my depression, symptoms associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (checking, scrupulosity, inordinate concern with patterns) also became quite problematic. I'd be interested in knowing how other 5s have dealt with depression in their lives, if anyone here would like to discuss it. I don't think it's at all easy for a 5w4 to be depressed, but it is very easy for us to slip into depression. I am on an SSRI medication for my depression, which helps tremendously, but has some worrying side effects, mostly to do with sexual dysfunction and some memory problems. I have always had an extraordinarily good memory, which I suspect is fairly typical of the 5. I have also been undergoing therapy, which has been deeply confronting for me. Just walk into a room and tell a stranger all about your innermost feelings, my God. It has been a revelation, though: I have discovered feelings, thoughts, questions I didn't know existed. It's been humbling, and intellectually/emotionally very exciting.
: : My depression had got pretty much to a vegetative state before I sought help. Typically, I had just tried to buckle down and solve things for myself. It seems that events in my life that were deeply disturbing triggered the depression, but at some point it became largely a matter of brain chemistry, which would explain the extreme relief I have got from my medication.
: : Well -- I bring that all up as a rather odd introduction to myself (believe me, two years ago it would have been much more about what I think than how I have been feeling!) I have suspected for a while that we 5s might have a rather special relationship to depressive disorders, and would love some comments or suggestions from people on this board. My mother is a 6 (sometimes seems like a 1), my sister a 2, my father a 5(w6, I think), and my partner is a 1. I think a lot about how these relationships have affected my way of seeing the world -- I know I am a five in a zillion different ways, but mostly when I read descriptions of the five as a child, which might as well be my life story. Depression has also taught me to be far more compassionate than I was before, though I always *thought* I was compassionate.
: : I am a lot better now, but want to understand my illness. Any comments, ideas?
: : Bilo
: Bilo, it sounds like you have taken some courageous and very important first steps towards becoming invested in living again. I am a 5w6 and have suffered from spells of depression that lasted anywhere from weeks to months to years for the first 30 years of my life. In my case it included agrophobia, borderline anorexia and alcohol abuse (I haven't had a drink for 16 years at this point - too risky). My Mom who is an 8 was not very approachable, nor very receptive to any show of "weakness" moreover there were 7 children in the family so she wasn't all that tuned into any of us. At any rate she tried a couple of times to have professionals figure out what my problem was but I was a child of very few words at the best of times... and had no idea what these doctors were even asking of me. The point is I have never received any treatment and in my later years was too afraid they'de lock me up (which was really very paranoid). Mind you I also felt that I was not that far from going right over the deep end (suicidal) the concept of drugs (after my problems with alcohol) struck me as a trip I might best avoid. At this point in my life if I was to find myself in a bad depression again I am prepared to consider medication but would probably try a herbal remedy first - St. John's Worth Oil has performed really well in clinical trials without any side effects (I read a whole book on the subject).
: As far as the cause(s)of my depressive episodes - there has been a lot of trauma during the first 25 years of my life, some of it completely beyond my control and clearly beyond my capacity to process. Moreover, being fear based and a chronic thinker I had one hell of a case of self-generated and self- perpetuating stinking thinking and no convincing reference for what the alternative could be (it didn't help that I was largely reclusive & NEVER talked about myself). I spent my 20's coming to terms with all this and with extroidinary effort and perseverance. Literally re-created myself and my life - from scratch. LOL!
: Since my 30's I can say that none of the above applies to me or my life and I consider my life more well managed and rewarding than most and my psychology, while somewhat fussy, is well taken care of. My strengths as a 5w6 have ultimately been exceedingly helpful - I have read countless books over the years with regard to mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being and literally explored the possibility in application. I'm living a socially active, responsible and otherwise full life. As far as my emotional life, well I have one (!) and it's in much better shape than it was and take some of my cues from my emotional experience in life. I value my feelings and emotions and those of others and there is a richness to my life that would be lost without them
: but largely my life choices ect. are guided and driven by the values and principles I have chosen to support and promote.
: All that to say that you are not alone and I suspect lots of 5's could speak to experience with depression and other far out and funky stuff! I work with a guy who is a 5 (a lawyer) who is like 55 years old and practically dead-lining through life. Don't be him! Go to your DESTINY and remember that you are never given a dream that is beyond you, you may have to work for it however. Best wishes!