Re: How do you get a 5 to change?

Subject:

Comments:
: : Hi There! : : I have two 5's in my life (fiance and sister) who are impossible to get to change. I mean that they don't even see how they turn everything into a thought and avoid feeling emotions. It's so obvious to me and others but they can't see it. They seem to have so little energy to change. It's like pulling teeth. HELP! : --------------------------- : Curious, : First off, recognize that out of all types 5's have the least need to belong and interact,and are the most independent of all types. I have a motto, "You can't outwait a 5". Patience is the key since they will move on their own timeline, not yours (or anyone elses). : 5's intellectualize their emotions. Ask the how the "feel" and they'll get back to you in a couple of days after they have 'thought" about it. They think about how they feel and try to put it into conceptual terms. Often direct confrontation with their emotions is overwhelming to them and will only drive them defensive. To get to them on an emotional level you need to get to a soft spot. You know you're close to home on that if they really go off on an intellectual treatise on the issue, make a joke of it, or totally withdraw and leave. SO, you have to have alot of trust in a relationship and rapport with them so they can feel they can come back or actually be comfortable opening up. : Self-disclosure of your own vulnerablity first is important, and 5's being the most sensitive to being emotonally vulnerable will respect you for it. Just don't expect them, or hint that you expect anything back from them emotionally after disclosure.That is an obligation that is draining to them. : Also, you can never have a 5. Understand this and make it clear to them that you do. Some types are more than happy to give themselves to the one they love. 5's aren't. They will give as much as they give, and often as much as they CAN give. Appreciate that and don't push for more. : If you do the above, and there is much more, you give a SPACE to allow then to emanate. I like to think of fives needing to emanate rather than change. There's so much inside that if you create an emotional space for them they MAY be willing to let their inner light shine. MAybe even ask you to help them do it. : BEst, : Dave

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL: