Re: 4,5,9 bonding

Subject:

Comments:
: : : : : ------> Well, if human nature is universal and I'm not delusional... yes. : : [I thought the Enneagram indicated that human nature isn't universal, at least on one level.] : Hahhaha... universal as in consistent patterns whether in England, California, or Papua New Guinea. : : : ------> I don't give a shit if they mean well. I don't have room in my life for people I don't like. : : [Ah, but sometimes there are Nines that irritate me at times, but whom I also like, and several I know have become less irritating over time. Pearls are produced by irritation!] : : : : : : : : [I : : : : : : : : I do think 9s are generally good for 4s. 4s had a broken bond they long to have refilled... 9s are masters of bonding. : : : : [Too overwhelming for many Fours though - they don't give enough space and therefore leave no room for the Fours to yearn for them.] : : : -------> You do seem to understand your own type. : : [I was recently very er...'overwhelmed by a Nine!] : : I love 4s... maybe too much for my own good. : : : : : --> Yeah, all that mystical bring out your essence shit... no thanks. : : [It's really strange you say that you love Fours and then say about mystical essence shit, which is something that is precious to so many Fours! Is this a love/hate thing? A fascination/fear thing?] : I love 4s because they are interesting, beautiful people... not because they are clued in to some kind of mystery of the universe. Think I do have a preference for SP 4s who are more in touch with their playful side. : : : : [Do you know of any Enneagram writers who don't refer to Essence? I don't see how anyone can have an understanding of the Enneagram without the basis of Essence. After all, underneath all the ego distortions, what is there? : : : -------> ???? I don't speak this language. A happy, healthy life as a human animal is all I'm interested in. : : [But what is this human animal like? All animals are very different and it s almost impossible to argue from nature. eg. the monogamy of swans, the paedophilia of chimps, the cannabalism of some species of animal. The empathy of elephants! And dogs. The sensitivity of cats.] : Best way to find out? Let your body run your actions for a while. Human nature SHOULDN'T be a big mystery... to a human. : : : -------> I mean bonding as in developmental bonding... with your initial caregivers. That first bond is key because it establishes one's ability to bond with anyone emotionally in the future... on every level. : : [Oh. I'm confused now. I take it you're not saying a Five child can't bond with a Nine parent or vice versa? I didn't bond with anyone at first, but I don't think it's stopped me bonding since. I guess the first person I really bonded with was a Five wing four. I always felt I 'imprinted' with him! I guess my bondings would be based on rejection, though I'm not as tolerant of it as I was.] : Uh, no... I'm saying that the first developmental hurdle that shapes the formation of personality is bonding. The parent's type is irrelevant. The question is did the child properly bond to the parent. A child who did not bond (Type 5) or one that partially bonded and was abandoned/bond was broken (Type 4) are going to continue to see and feel affected by this pattern their entire lives. The key contrast between 4/5 and 9... bonding is the 4/5 issue... differentiation is the 9 issue. As life goes on, 5s are disinterested in attachment, 4s are ambivalent to attachment, 9s are attached and are disinterested in separation.

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL: