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Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive Loooooooooooong introspective ramble (sorry)Posted by RoTtEn LiZ on May 15, 2001 at 02:30:22: Well, I retook the test for the first time in a long time and I just don't know what to think.... Harley is scoring as a 5... I'm not. Tonight I scored: 1: -7 Yeah, I know the tests are totally unreliable but I do always score with 5 in the top two... this time it wasn't even in the top 3. I've also been rereading Riso's description of the 5 and every time I read it, I disagree more. He's so focused on 5s moving into a terrorized inner world as they deteriorate. I don't think that would happen to me NOW... because I'm not a strong N any longer. I think Riso really plays up paranoia... fearfulness of the outside world. Bah, the outside world is silly. Nothing to fear there... What do I have a problem with? Competency is certainly an issue for me. I am fearful of being incompetent... but I think this has to do with seeing the world as harsh (which doesn't mean sadistic and out to destroy me or dangerous aka paranoia like Riso paints it)... just as cold as stone... have to manage your resources and survive. I'm always surprised and suspicious when people act kindly just because I figure other people are out to survive as well... if not they're suckers, ya know. I think there is a strong feeling that I must fight or die... or become cold like the earth... like the schizogenic mother. GREED = to make our blood keep us warm... keep us alive. Funny really. OK... what else do I have a problem with over-valuing? Self-Determination. I have a stroooooooong distaste for any kind of dependency. (This is why I'm prejudiced against 9s). Not really because I'm distrustful of people... I think people are reliable because they are highly predictable and generally well-intentioned. I guess dependence again equals death... rocks don't make milk... hmmmmmmmm. So my issues are competency and self-determination... is my 5ish curiosity really just a bi-product of this... eager searching of the environment for something to sustain life? I still think not. Unrelenting curiosity is an old deep part of my character and is the place my aggressive tendencies are most apparent. When I go after information, I pursue ruthlessly. No I don't think it stems from a need for competency or self-determination at all... I think that it has become intertwined with these things because it faciliates success. Does this happen to all 5s? Are 5s by nature curious... or does their natural childlike curiosity just linger longer... stay with them because it is reinforced as it facilitates competency? Sticky business. If I were to deteriorate, I think I would become very intolerant and aggressive... signs of this are already popping up as I have been at my job too long and the day to day routine is chaffing terribly. I think several of my co-workers are kind of frightened of me because I can be so no bullshit and aggressive. In fact, I've found myself engaged in a few power struggles... as my senior co-worker... and ENTJ 3w2 I'm thinking now (I originally thought him a 7) has been wasting a great deal of my time with his nit-picky and inefficient tasking. My thought is he needs to be put in his place... always tries to make peace by being charsmatic and insufferably positive... would like to lop his head off. See and all this sounds very eightish... and not particularly healthy. Snap crackle pop.... alright I guess I'm done taking a mental dump. I used to be a bit of a rabble rouser and the voice of the devil in the ears of others... now I seem to BE the devil... and not my old familiar 4 devil (or is it? just turned out and not in....)
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