Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive

Re: You're so much like me

Re: You're so much like me

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Zen Cowgirl on August 13, 2000 at 02:24:31:

In Reply to: You're so much like me posted by Cory on August 13, 2000 at 00:02:28:

: While the value of my post's contribution to this board is rather light, I do feel compelled to respond to yours, since it hits rather close to home. In the past few days I've come to realize I am a 5w4, not a 4w5 as I have previously thought. I'm only 19, but looking at my life in totality, I've only been Fourish since I started becoming a teenager.

~~~~
Hi, Cory!

Your contribution isn't light at all--actually, this is very interesting!

When I was a little kid, I loved bugs; I kept them in jars and read books about them. This is when I was as young as four or five (I learned to read very early). My mother couldn't find a jar that didn't have airholes punched in the lid to save her life, and there are photos of me as a little kid standing in the living room, the flashbulb's glare bouncing off whatever specimen jar I was showing off at the time. I knew the names of all kinds of bugs, and what they ate; I was quite the budding entomologist. I also read books about birds and other animals, and was fascinated by their behavior. Looking back at that, and the fact that I was a very solitary kid who (from the very beginning) preferred to keep my thoughts to myself helped me to realize I was actually a Five.

I have always had artistic ability, too; I think it was much more acceptable for a little girl to draw pretty pictures than it was to bring jars of bugs into the house, so I got more positive attention for being an artist. I also had a tendency to ask uncomfortable questions whenever I was curious or thought somehing didn't make sense, and was forever getting in trouble for that. It was seen as being difficult and argumentative, not curious (still is, frankly). I think that's why I acted as a Four for so long; it got me into less trouble than acting as my true Five self did.

Adolescence is a hellish time, anyway, what with all of those hormones raging on top of trying to figure out your own identity. I'd been living in my Four wing for so long, I got stuck there. It suited my purple-hair punk-rocker attention-seeking phase very well. I remember that everything about that time was all about drama, and overblown fantasies of my ideal life. When I lived as a Four, I really did it, and ended up engaging in a lot of self-destructive behavior before crashing and burning.

During a period of trying to get my life back on track, I went into an period of extreme rationalism--I was reading a lot of Ayn Rand, as I recall, and taking it with the utmost seriousness . That lasted about a year before I began to mellow out and feel more comfortable with myself. I was about 26 or 27 when I realized I had undergone a radical personality change--I would look back at my old self and say, "what the hell was I THINKING?" I remember what I was once like, and how I used to respond to things, and how *dramatic* everything had to be. It really is like looking at another person altogether.

: : ~~~~~~~~~~~~
: Same with me. As a child I was very Fiveish - chemistry sets, microscopes, telescopes, an interest in science and learning. I was deathly afraid of the ocean (had 2 near-drowning experiences at age three) but yet wanted to study the ocean more than anything. This would be a Five's motivation, don't you think? Afraid of something so you study it and try to "master" it.
~~~~~
I just remembered--when I was in 3rd grade, "Jaws" came out, and I went and saw it. Afterwards, I read every book on sharks in the school library, as well as our neighborhood public library, and could tell people more about sharks than they ever really wanted to know. I was absolutely obsessed with sharks. Later, when I went through a Horse Phase, it was the same thing. I read everything I could get my hands on about horses (turned out I was violently allergic to them, though).

~~~~~~
: : and as I headed into my mid- and late-20s I returned--without really trying--to acting like a 5. I do have some 4 tendencies--creativity, intuition, the occasional mood swings, and I'm known to some people for being artsy and eccentric. But the 5 frame of mind--that habit of detatching and analyzing--prevails.

: Well, like I said I'm only 19 so I'll just have to wait and see. But the Four tendencies you describe are present in me as well, set against a Five background.
~~~~
It's very good you're aware of these things at 19, though. You can at least understand that this is who you are, that you're not some freak or misfit, and that there are definite strengths to be found in that. It's too bad a lot of people don't get into the Enneagram, or Myers-Briggs, until they are well into adulthood, and often stuck in a rut that they could have avoided--if they'd just been armed with that self-knowledge.
~~~~~
: : I do have very intense and turbulent emotional life, which had me convinced I was a 4 until I realized that nobody else I knew had a clue about it!

: Riso and Hudson say multiple times in their descriptions of 5w4 that they can be very emotional inside. Thing is, I didn't pay too much attention to that. I'm very emotional but not too many people know it. Case in point, I asked my sister and my mother what enneagram type I am after giving them some brief descriptions. Both said they were sure I was a Five. I mentioned Four to them and they didn't see it in me at all.
~~~~
Nope, 5s are *not* unemotional, not in the least! I've been in relationships where my partners were amazed at how intense my emotions were, once I felt comfortable enough to reveal them. That kind of emotional revelation isn't planned--I simply do it when it feels right. I suppose it can be overwhelming when one is used to dealing with my usual detatchment.

I finally gave each of my parents one of Helen Palmer's books, and asked them to guess which one I was--both came back very quickly with 5w4--even my 7w6 father who has always claimed I was "impossible to figure out." There's something dismaying to my secretive Five soul in knowing that I am so, well, *transparent*...
~~~~~
: Yes, and on a similar note, I see myself as a very nice guy while the input that others have given me says I'm aloof and impersonal!
~~~~~~
That part gets me into trouble whenever I end up doing jobs with a lot of public contact. I think I'm being polite and helpful, but there's always someone (probably a Two! Ha!) who ends up complaining that I'm too "impersonal."
~~~~~~
: : I think the 4 manner of dealing with such a terrible event would have been to let the grief show in a much more outward fashion, without the simultaneous "rational dialogue."

: I agree. I don't think we can really hide our enneagram type. If its the principal source of all our troubles and treasures, then it must be pretty obvious to the world.

: -Cory

Follow Ups:

Re: You're so much like me synewton 11:16:41 08/13/00 (14)
- Re: You're so much like me Heidi 12:49:50 08/13/00 (13)
  - Re: You're so much like me Zen Cowgirl 13:59:55 08/13/00 (0)
  - momentary lapse of reason... Heidi 13:01:37 08/13/00 (11)
    - Re: momentary lapse of reason... Zen Cowgirl 15:19:28 08/13/00 (9)
      - Re: momentary lapse of reason... Heidi 16:22:02 08/13/00 (8)
        
        Re: momentary lapse of reason... Ana 18:37:05 08/14/00 (0)
        
        Re: momentary lapse of reason... Zen Cowgirl 17:24:36 08/14/00 (1)
        
        Re: momentary lapse of reason... Heidi 21:18:35 08/14/00 (0)
        
        tomboys?? jen 19:42:25 08/13/00 (4)
        
        Re: tomboys?? Laurence 08:47:15 08/15/00 (0)
        
        Re: tomboys?? Heidi 03:19:57 08/15/00 (1)
        
        Re: tomboys?? jen 13:53:12 08/15/00 (0)
        
        So can a male 5w4 jump in? WingPrayer 16:13:33 08/14/00 (0)
    - Re: momentary lapse of reason... Robin 14:37:23 08/13/00 (0)

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:
: : While the value of my post's contribution to this board is rather light, I do feel compelled to respond to yours, since it hits rather close to home. In the past few days I've come to realize I am a 5w4, not a 4w5 as I have previously thought. I'm only 19, but looking at my life in totality, I've only been Fourish since I started becoming a teenager. : ~~~~ : Hi, Cory! : Your contribution isn't light at all--actually, this is very interesting! : When I was a little kid, I loved bugs; I kept them in jars and read books about them. This is when I was as young as four or five (I learned to read very early). My mother couldn't find a jar that didn't have airholes punched in the lid to save her life, and there are photos of me as a little kid standing in the living room, the flashbulb's glare bouncing off whatever specimen jar I was showing off at the time. I knew the names of all kinds of bugs, and what they ate; I was quite the budding entomologist. I also read books about birds and other animals, and was fascinated by their behavior. Looking back at that, and the fact that I was a very solitary kid who (from the very beginning) preferred to keep my thoughts to myself helped me to realize I was actually a Five. : I have always had artistic ability, too; I think it was much more acceptable for a little girl to draw pretty pictures than it was to bring jars of bugs into the house, so I got more positive attention for being an artist. I also had a tendency to ask uncomfortable questions whenever I was curious or thought somehing didn't make sense, and was forever getting in trouble for that. It was seen as being difficult and argumentative, not curious (still is, frankly). I think that's why I acted as a Four for so long; it got me into less trouble than acting as my true Five self did. : Adolescence is a hellish time, anyway, what with all of those hormones raging on top of trying to figure out your own identity. I'd been living in my Four wing for so long, I got stuck there. It suited my purple-hair punk-rocker attention-seeking phase very well. I remember that everything about that time was all about drama, and overblown fantasies of my ideal life. When I lived as a Four, I really did it, and ended up engaging in a lot of self-destructive behavior before crashing and burning. : During a period of trying to get my life back on track, I went into an period of extreme rationalism--I was reading a lot of Ayn Rand, as I recall, and taking it with the utmost seriousness <laughs>. That lasted about a year before I began to mellow out and feel more comfortable with myself. I was about 26 or 27 when I realized I had undergone a radical personality change--I would look back at my old self and say, "what the hell was I THINKING?" I remember what I was once like, and how I used to respond to things, and how *dramatic* everything had to be. It really is like looking at another person altogether. : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~ : : Same with me. As a child I was very Fiveish - chemistry sets, microscopes, telescopes, an interest in science and learning. I was deathly afraid of the ocean (had 2 near-drowning experiences at age three) but yet wanted to study the ocean more than anything. This would be a Five's motivation, don't you think? Afraid of something so you study it and try to "master" it. : ~~~~~ : <laughs> I just remembered--when I was in 3rd grade, "Jaws" came out, and I went and saw it. Afterwards, I read every book on sharks in the school library, as well as our neighborhood public library, and could tell people more about sharks than they ever really wanted to know. I was absolutely obsessed with sharks. Later, when I went through a Horse Phase, it was the same thing. I read everything I could get my hands on about horses (turned out I was violently allergic to them, though). : ~~~~~~ : : : and as I headed into my mid- and late-20s I returned--without really trying--to acting like a 5. I do have some 4 tendencies--creativity, intuition, the occasional mood swings, and I'm known to some people for being artsy and eccentric. But the 5 frame of mind--that habit of detatching and analyzing--prevails. : : Well, like I said I'm only 19 so I'll just have to wait and see. But the Four tendencies you describe are present in me as well, set against a Five background. : ~~~~ : It's very good you're aware of these things at 19, though. You can at least understand that this is who you are, that you're not some freak or misfit, and that there are definite strengths to be found in that. It's too bad a lot of people don't get into the Enneagram, or Myers-Briggs, until they are well into adulthood, and often stuck in a rut that they could have avoided--if they'd just been armed with that self-knowledge. : ~~~~~ : : : I do have very intense and turbulent emotional life, which had me convinced I was a 4 until I realized that nobody else I knew had a clue about it! : : Riso and Hudson say multiple times in their descriptions of 5w4 that they can be very emotional inside. Thing is, I didn't pay too much attention to that. I'm very emotional but not too many people know it. Case in point, I asked my sister and my mother what enneagram type I am after giving them some brief descriptions. Both said they were sure I was a Five. I mentioned Four to them and they didn't see it in me at all. : ~~~~ : Nope, 5s are *not* unemotional, not in the least! I've been in relationships where my partners were amazed at how intense my emotions were, once I felt comfortable enough to reveal them. That kind of emotional revelation isn't planned--I simply do it when it feels right. I suppose it can be overwhelming when one is used to dealing with my usual detatchment. : I finally gave each of my parents one of Helen Palmer's books, and asked them to guess which one I was--both came back very quickly with 5w4--even my 7w6 father who has always claimed I was "impossible to figure out." There's something dismaying to my secretive Five soul in knowing that I am so, well, *transparent*...<cringe> : ~~~~~ : : Yes, and on a similar note, I see myself as a very nice guy while the input that others have given me says I'm aloof and impersonal! : ~~~~~~ : That part gets me into trouble whenever I end up doing jobs with a lot of public contact. I think I'm being polite and helpful, but there's always someone (probably a Two! Ha!) who ends up complaining that I'm too "impersonal." : ~~~~~~ : : : I think the 4 manner of dealing with such a terrible event would have been to let the grief show in a much more outward fashion, without the simultaneous "rational dialogue." : : I agree. I don't think we can really hide our enneagram type. If its the principal source of all our troubles and treasures, then it must be pretty obvious to the world. : : -Cory

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ] type5board/messages/316.html

Your Ad Here