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Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive Re: momentary lapse of reason...Posted by Zen Cowgirl on August 13, 2000 at 15:19:28: In Reply to: momentary lapse of reason... posted by Heidi on August 13, 2000 at 13:01:37:
: I can't believe I just wrote that. Please don't comment. I already responded to it, and admit I had the same feeling once my message was posted--"why the hell did I say all that?" But I do think it's important to say, "no, you weren't the only one who had trouble." Fives of both sexes face a lot of pressures to be other than what we are. We're supposed to be more sociable, more ambitious, less detatched. As women and girls, we're supposed to be more openly emotional and nurturing, more concerned with the opinions and feelings of others, less "critical." I haven't seen anything written on the ways in which female 5s (or 8s, for that matter) are pressured or outright forced into a closer approximation of what is considered a feminine ideal, or what that does to 5 women. You were drugged into submission by people who took the Hippocratic Oath--"First, do no harm." I received messages from my family and those around me that I was weird, and a freak, and that I "thought too much," and was brainwashed into actually believing it. So your post was like a ray of light. I hate the sort of gushy every-last-emotional-hangnail self-revelation I saw in AA meetings. I'm not all that comfortable with telling things about myself, beyond what I am reading and how the cats are doing. But sometimes it becomes necessary to say, "this was my experience"-- especially in the case of Fives, who keep everything to themselves. We know it's harder to be female and a 5--but how much harder? What difficulties do female 5s face, and how do they overcome them? I still won't tell others more than a fraction of what goes on in my head, but I also know how isolated I can feel regarding some experiences. I posted before about the simultaneous emotions and thoughts that occurred while burying my cat, and felt a twinge as I did it--that old "why did I do that?" feeling. But I wanted to see if other 5s could relate to it, too. The beauty of posting here is that it's anonymous. I feel like I can take certain risks, discuss certain things, and be safe in doing so. I think 5s do need this sort of thing--it helps me, at least, to know that I'm not alone in my way of looking at the world.
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