Re: 5 with 4 wing or 4 with 5 wing

Posted by Laurence on August 14, 2000 at 05:00:31:

In Reply to: 5 with 4 wing or 4 with 5 wing posted by synewton on August 12, 2000 at 20:29:21:

Our main type is about our "core" motivations, those we identify most readily with. 4s do identify with their emotional intensity to the point of getting stuck there when they are faced with the need to evolve. 5s identify with their thought process and feel quite miserable when overwhelmed with strong emotions. In the past, I did some artwork as I was going through an accute depression but never identified with it, I'd rather look at it with a surprised/amased curiosity, as if those were a discovery of hidden capacities that had gotten buried inside. When I talk about myself, I'll do it in a detached manner as if I described another person. I get emotional (at point 8) when discussing an ethical issue with people who seem ignorant of the consequences of what they say (happened to me no later than yesterday evening) but then regret it as I hate to sound emotional.
As a child and teen-ager, I was much closer then to my 6 wing, I hated anything that had to do with romance and seeked friendship and loyalty instead, I couldn't stand the abuse of women and the prevailing feminine archetypes... When younger, I could have been identified as a 7, easy going and always happy, but self-sufficient and independant, very "boyish", I was streight forward and direct and hated the girls schools, gossips and hypocrisy, very much like a boy, I was so tempted to settle arguments by a good fight, which got me into serious trouble given the mentality that prevailed in catholic nuns bording schools and what was expected from a "well behaved girl". I had already understood how hypocrisy and manipulation gets induced and rottens all relationships. I had very few friends there and prefered solitary games, I used to always carry a set of cards in my pocket as reading and personal books were forbidden. I also used to draw cartoons during boring lectures and passed them around. Once the class was asked to give a nickname to each of us, I was voted "the clown" and felt deeply insulted inside, sure I used to enjoy make others laugh, but my credibility as an intelligent person materred so much more to me.

The 4 wing surfaced massively much latter, as I reached 18, it has kicked me down for several years and settled after a very deep accute depression. I have much to say about psychiatry, they've hurt me badly, I found my own answers elsewhere.

: I've read many books about the enneagram but have never been able to decide
: if I am a 5 with a 4 wing or a 4 with a 5 wing. when I read the descriptions, the
: point 4 resonates with me but I feel that I act like a 5. Any thoughts?

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