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Thanks. A few responses.

Thanks. A few responses.

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Posted by Diarmuid on August 25, 2000 at 12:36:07:

In Reply to: Re: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have? posted by Heidi on August 25, 2000 at 12:01:36:

I can relate very much to what you describe in paragraph 1.

Though paragraph 2 isn't quite so familiar, while I definitely have been there.

Maybe it's because most people in my circle know that I'm not great at purposeless small talk, and I like to have my conversations thoughtful.

I always get a great sense of relief when I find myself enjoying a conversation (not that it happens very rarely). I think it must come from not having to endure what you described in Para 2.

: I find conforming socially simultaneously useful and distasteful. My general experience with people is that they are rarely on the same "plane" as I am. My thoughts are so complex that when I am with people I find it extremely difficult to say what I mean clearly and simply. I end up talking about subject matter that is more "accessible". When I talk and write, I consciously make the utmost effort to extract the most important parts of my thoughts and relay them as clearly as possible. I know there are very few people I talk to who can even begin to imagine that what I've said is only the "tip of the iceberg" of what I really meant. So, with people I find myself over-simplifying everything so that I can be clear about what I can manage to communicate that relates to what they just said (if I can even remember). This causes me great distress because I don't ever feel as if I've really said what I wanted to say. If I did, the poor person facing me would sit through an hour of what may seem like disconnected associations just so I could express one idea.

: I also greatly resent having this process interrupted by those whose attention span is considerably shorter than my own. When I listen to people talk everything they say reminds me of something else, some theory or whatnot, so I can rarely listen to what they're actually saying. I find myself searching their words for hidden complexities, something akin to my own way of relating, and that alone will cause me to step back, start psychoanalyzing the person instead of actually listening. I find it a great struggle to tune out my own thoughts (which I do as often as I'm able) to show social niceties and exchange pleasantries. People ask me, how are you? What have you been doing with yourself? Why haven't you been around? Nice weather, huh? My boyfriend, my sister, my mother...did/said...the funniest/most stupid... and my trip to XYZ, wow you should have seen that huge bridge, the restaurant, the hotel manager said... and so on. I say a lot of things like, "Wow, that's great!", "That's awful", "I'm so sorry about that," "That sucks," "Cool", etc. I generally play along instead of saying anything I want to say.

:
: So--conforming to standards of social interaction bothers me the most.

Follow Ups:

Re: Thanks. A few responses. WingPrayer 15:48:45 08/25/00 (0)
Re: Thanks. A few responses. Heidi 15:13:22 08/25/00 (4)
- Could it also be a gender issue? Diarmuid 08:17:57 08/27/00 (3)
  - Re: Could it also be a gender issue? Laurence 10:07:13 08/27/00 (2)
    - Re: Could it also be a gender issue? Heidi 12:06:12 08/27/00 (1)
      - Re: Could it also be a gender issue? T Murphy 11:45:58 09/08/00 (0)

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: I can relate very much to what you describe in paragraph 1. : Though paragraph 2 isn't quite so familiar, while I definitely have been there. : Maybe it's because most people in my circle know that I'm not great at purposeless small talk, and I like to have my conversations thoughtful. : I always get a great sense of relief when I find myself enjoying a conversation (not that it happens very rarely). I think it must come from not having to endure what you described in Para 2. : : : I find conforming socially simultaneously useful and distasteful. My general experience with people is that they are rarely on the same "plane" as I am. My thoughts are so complex that when I am with people I find it extremely difficult to say what I mean clearly and simply. I end up talking about subject matter that is more "accessible". When I talk and write, I consciously make the utmost effort to extract the most important parts of my thoughts and relay them as clearly as possible. I know there are very few people I talk to who can even begin to imagine that what I've said is only the "tip of the iceberg" of what I really meant. So, with people I find myself over-simplifying everything so that I can be clear about what I can manage to communicate that relates to what they just said (if I can even remember). This causes me great distress because I don't ever feel as if I've really said what I wanted to say. If I did, the poor person facing me would sit through an hour of what may seem like disconnected associations just so I could express one idea. : : I also greatly resent having this process interrupted by those whose attention span is considerably shorter than my own. When I listen to people talk everything they say reminds me of something else, some theory or whatnot, so I can rarely listen to what they're actually saying. I find myself searching their words for hidden complexities, something akin to my own way of relating, and that alone will cause me to step back, start psychoanalyzing the person instead of actually listening. I find it a great struggle to tune out my own thoughts (which I do as often as I'm able) to show social niceties and exchange pleasantries. People ask me, how are you? What have you been doing with yourself? Why haven't you been around? Nice weather, huh? My boyfriend, my sister, my mother...did/said...the funniest/most stupid... and my trip to XYZ, wow you should have seen that huge bridge, the restaurant, the hotel manager said... and so on. I say a lot of things like, "Wow, that's great!", "That's awful", "I'm so sorry about that," "That sucks," "Cool", etc. I generally play along instead of saying anything I want to say. : : : : So--conforming to standards of social interaction bothers me the most.

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