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Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive Re: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have?Posted by Deb on August 25, 2000 at 20:05:46: In Reply to: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have? posted by Diarmuid [nt] on August 25, 2000 at 09:54:10: Please bear with me as this is my first try at this "board" stuff. I have stumbled onto this and am so excited about it. I wanted to share with you that I went through a long stage of my life which mirrors your experience. In reading your words, all those feelings came back I I felt that I had to share my experience with you. I would venture to say that at that time in my life I FED the unhealthy traits of a five. I avoided social interaction at nearly all costs. I would PUSH myself to get out every once in a while and my heart would pound the fear that I would make a social "mistake" would be so loud in my head that I would freeze... and panic. Deer caught in headlights. I would try to talk to relieve the fears and my mouth couldn't wrap around the words. I wanted people to know how smart and funny I was. How much compassion, and information I could impart. But I felt like I couldn't organize what I wanted to say in my head. I each break in silence was deafening. I couldn't pull out of it. Eventually I would slither to a quiet spot (mentally or physically if I could).. people would say, "your so quiet" and all I could do was nod in agreement. I allowed my church friends, co-workers, and whoever else I forced myself into association with to think of me as "shy" "bashful" "quiet". It wasn't really true and I knew it. I wasn't shy with my family and CLOSE friends.. I was me. I WAS talkative, and outright brash at times. Never afraid to say what I think to tell, always willing to share knowledge. In school I was the kid that everyone came to for information.. was New Mexico a state or a country..? I loved being of use in such a manner. But grown-up in social environment... what good does it do to be a Cliff Claven? I had so much to say but seldom found anyone who had the time to let me spill it all out, like you I would feel inadequate and awkward. Something I tried to avoid. My family said to me it was my age..til I was 29 and still having the same issues. I knew intuitively that I had to do something about it. My life with my 7 brothers/sisters and their families was full and rewarding. I lived vicariously through them, I felt comfortable and had no real NEED to deal fears. Besides, everyone said it was just my age... Once I stepped out of that environment I appeared shy and unconnected. The solution is so obvious that you don't want to acknowledge it. Over the years I have FORCED myself out to talk to people. At 38 I can honestly say that those years are a distant memory in my life. I had forgotten that horrible PIT in the stomach feeling. I can remember at the age of 19, going to a church function with other people my age (boys!) and the girl who brought me took off to talk to her friends leaving me in a roomful of people I did not know. I was so afraid to say the wrong thing, or WORSE that I would be treated like a "dork" that the only release was to sneak off to the bathroom to cry. I hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Afraid to go back. Don't allow that feeling to overwhelm you. Take "babysteps" (What about Bob?) and start pushing yourself into social environments. I started pushing myself at work to talk to people, and not to be so self-centered. While I am not there yet, I am begining to see that I can do it. Trying to find folks who I can help makes me feel less awkward, if you volunteering, you have a "reason" to be there. In my quest for information about the world around me I have found that learning to be a "social butterfly" it the hardest thing I have ever done. I hadn't realized how far I had come til I read your message. Thanks for sharing and it is great that this board is here for those of us who are often so very alone.
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