Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive

Re: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have?

Re: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have?

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Laurence on August 26, 2000 at 05:13:58:

In Reply to: Re: To what extent do the Fives here conform against their nature? What effects does it have? posted by Deb on August 25, 2000 at 20:05:46:

My experience is one of finding the right balance. The good side of being "detached" is that I can easily move to a new place where I know no one without any problem, that a big freedom, I've done it few times in my life. I moved to the place where I live presently about 5 years ago. I worked very hard doing major repairs in the house for about a whole year, with no social life at all. Then I went out and worked out strategies to meet some interesting people, but met no one who was interested in the same subjects (I mean no 5s!). I really enjoyed their company and some interaction, but something was really missing to me, true discussions and mutual understanding, I was starting to feel somewhat depressed with it when I decided to connect myself to the web. There I found exactly what I missed before, and my local friends became a little jaleous, not understanding how I could be so involved with something totally virtual and foreign to them! Now I have to admit that I still miss a good relationship with a male partner, but I'm not ready to give up my autonomy or freedom for another frustrating relationship. Finding the right balance is an art and not easily mastered, ie it takes some stumbling on the way!

: Please bear with me as this is my first try at this "board" stuff. I have stumbled onto this and am so excited about it.

: I wanted to share with you that I went through a long stage of my life which mirrors your experience. In reading your words, all those feelings came back I I felt that I had to share my experience with you.

: I would venture to say that at that time in my life I FED the unhealthy traits of a five. I avoided social interaction at nearly all costs. I would PUSH myself to get out every once in a while and my heart would pound the fear that I would make a social "mistake" would be so loud in my head that I would freeze... and panic. Deer caught in headlights. I would try to talk to relieve the fears and my mouth couldn't wrap around the words. I wanted people to know how smart and funny I was. How much compassion, and information I could impart. But I felt like I couldn't organize what I wanted to say in my head. I each break in silence was deafening. I couldn't pull out of it. Eventually I would slither to a quiet spot (mentally or physically if I could).. people would say, "your so quiet" and all I could do was nod in agreement. I allowed my church friends, co-workers, and whoever else I forced myself into association with to think of me as "shy" "bashful" "quiet". It wasn't really true and I knew it. I wasn't shy with my family and CLOSE friends.. I was me. I WAS talkative, and outright brash at times. Never afraid to say what I think to tell, always willing to share knowledge. In school I was the kid that everyone came to for information.. was New Mexico a state or a country..? I loved being of use in such a manner. But grown-up in social environment... what good does it do to be a Cliff Claven?

: I had so much to say but seldom found anyone who had the time to let me spill it all out, like you I would feel inadequate and awkward. Something I tried to avoid. My family said to me it was my age..til I was 29 and still having the same issues. I knew intuitively that I had to do something about it. My life with my 7 brothers/sisters and their families was full and rewarding. I lived vicariously through them, I felt comfortable and had no real NEED to deal fears. Besides, everyone said it was just my age... Once I stepped out of that environment I appeared shy and unconnected. The solution is so obvious that you don't want to acknowledge it.

: Over the years I have FORCED myself out to talk to people. At 38 I can honestly say that those years are a distant memory in my life. I had forgotten that horrible PIT in the stomach feeling. I can remember at the age of 19, going to a church function with other people my age (boys!) and the girl who brought me took off to talk to her friends leaving me in a roomful of people I did not know. I was so afraid to say the wrong thing, or WORSE that I would be treated like a "dork" that the only release was to sneak off to the bathroom to cry. I hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Afraid to go back.
: I still get it now and again, but am able to function and ONCE IN AWHILE excel in social situations and make even friends. I read the Dobson/Hurley book early last year and am so thrilled that the "cure" for the 5 is to EXPLORE. The knowledge of the Enneagram has helped me in my understanding of myself, and why it has been such a challenge for me to overcome my "shyness". I think the best advice I have ever had.

: Don't allow that feeling to overwhelm you. Take "babysteps" (What about Bob?) and start pushing yourself into social environments. I started pushing myself at work to talk to people, and not to be so self-centered. While I am not there yet, I am begining to see that I can do it. Trying to find folks who I can help makes me feel less awkward, if you volunteering, you have a "reason" to be there. In my quest for information about the world around me I have found that learning to be a "social butterfly" it the hardest thing I have ever done. I hadn't realized how far I had come til I read your message. Thanks for sharing and it is great that this board is here for those of us who are often so very alone.

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:
: My experience is one of finding the right balance. The good side of being "detached" is that I can easily move to a new place where I know no one without any problem, that a big freedom, I've done it few times in my life. I moved to the place where I live presently about 5 years ago. I worked very hard doing major repairs in the house for about a whole year, with no social life at all. Then I went out and worked out strategies to meet some interesting people, but met no one who was interested in the same subjects (I mean no 5s!). I really enjoyed their company and some interaction, but something was really missing to me, true discussions and mutual understanding, I was starting to feel somewhat depressed with it when I decided to connect myself to the web. There I found exactly what I missed before, and my local friends became a little jaleous, not understanding how I could be so involved with something totally virtual and foreign to them! Now I have to admit that I still miss a good relationship with a male partner, but I'm not ready to give up my autonomy or freedom for another frustrating relationship. Finding the right balance is an art and not easily mastered, ie it takes some stumbling on the way! : : Please bear with me as this is my first try at this "board" stuff. I have stumbled onto this and am so excited about it. : : I wanted to share with you that I went through a long stage of my life which mirrors your experience. In reading your words, all those feelings came back I I felt that I had to share my experience with you. : : I would venture to say that at that time in my life I FED the unhealthy traits of a five. I avoided social interaction at nearly all costs. I would PUSH myself to get out every once in a while and my heart would pound the fear that I would make a social "mistake" would be so loud in my head that I would freeze... and panic. Deer caught in headlights. I would try to talk to relieve the fears and my mouth couldn't wrap around the words. I wanted people to know how smart and funny I was. How much compassion, and information I could impart. But I felt like I couldn't organize what I wanted to say in my head. I each break in silence was deafening. I couldn't pull out of it. Eventually I would slither to a quiet spot (mentally or physically if I could).. people would say, "your so quiet" and all I could do was nod in agreement. I allowed my church friends, co-workers, and whoever else I forced myself into association with to think of me as "shy" "bashful" "quiet". It wasn't really true and I knew it. I wasn't shy with my family and CLOSE friends.. I was me. I WAS talkative, and outright brash at times. Never afraid to say what I think to tell, always willing to share knowledge. In school I was the kid that everyone came to for information.. was New Mexico a state or a country..? I loved being of use in such a manner. But grown-up in social environment... what good does it do to be a Cliff Claven? : : I had so much to say but seldom found anyone who had the time to let me spill it all out, like you I would feel inadequate and awkward. Something I tried to avoid. My family said to me it was my age..til I was 29 and still having the same issues. I knew intuitively that I had to do something about it. My life with my 7 brothers/sisters and their families was full and rewarding. I lived vicariously through them, I felt comfortable and had no real NEED to deal fears. Besides, everyone said it was just my age... Once I stepped out of that environment I appeared shy and unconnected. The solution is so obvious that you don't want to acknowledge it. : : Over the years I have FORCED myself out to talk to people. At 38 I can honestly say that those years are a distant memory in my life. I had forgotten that horrible PIT in the stomach feeling. I can remember at the age of 19, going to a church function with other people my age (boys!) and the girl who brought me took off to talk to her friends leaving me in a roomful of people I did not know. I was so afraid to say the wrong thing, or WORSE that I would be treated like a "dork" that the only release was to sneak off to the bathroom to cry. I hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Afraid to go back. : : I still get it now and again, but am able to function and ONCE IN AWHILE excel in social situations and make even friends. I read the Dobson/Hurley book early last year and am so thrilled that the "cure" for the 5 is to EXPLORE. The knowledge of the Enneagram has helped me in my understanding of myself, and why it has been such a challenge for me to overcome my "shyness". I think the best advice I have ever had. : : Don't allow that feeling to overwhelm you. Take "babysteps" (What about Bob?) and start pushing yourself into social environments. I started pushing myself at work to talk to people, and not to be so self-centered. While I am not there yet, I am begining to see that I can do it. Trying to find folks who I can help makes me feel less awkward, if you volunteering, you have a "reason" to be there. In my quest for information about the world around me I have found that learning to be a "social butterfly" it the hardest thing I have ever done. I hadn't realized how far I had come til I read your message. Thanks for sharing and it is great that this board is here for those of us who are often so very alone.

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ] type5board/messages/381.html

Your Ad Here