Re: i'll give it a shot...

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: : : Im still churning the 4/5 vs 5/4 thing in my mind. As a result of some of my interaction with you Im leaning toward 5/4. You seem to have a grasp on the subject od the Enneagram that others dont. I dont mean this in a kiss ass way. Im siply stating what I see as a fact. You jave the insight to look beyond the outer appearances of a post and see the deeper motivations. In fact Im impatiently waiting for your book. : : thanks. you never struck me as a kissass. glad to know someone's gonna buy it :) be patient, tho, i have a lot to get done before i can get it published. : : : : i had a similar issue in hs and most of college, but i've delt with it in the opposite way, perhaps just as foolishly. if you notice, it's actually the IDEA of love that you were insecure about. this idea of love includes the mental constructs of "marriage" and "wife" and all that jazz; settling down with a stable partner, filling the role of "boyfriend" or "husband" in a domestic setting. it doesn't sound like it was even about finding someone you wanted, it was about finding someone you could care about who would care back; proper social protocols and accepted interactions. this is actually a pretty typical 54 way to deal with romance. : : in high school, i had a similar issue, but instead of not dating, i found a 91 who had a crush on me, and i went and got her, and kept her for a few years. i'm not gonna say we didn't have some really great times, but it was really the idea of eachother that we were attracted to mentally. she had an idealized image of me as her "other", and i had an idealized image of the relationship and her. we had some good times, but in truth, we were horribly incompatible. near the end, she was cheating on me and too cowardly to dump me, and i should have known anyway, but was so blinded by my idea of our stable relationship. when we did break up, i was crushed, but didn't show it at all. it wasn't her i was losing, it was my status as "boyfriend," which was something i was really good at. this was my freshman year of college. : : within a few months, i found ANOTHER 91 with a crush on me, and did *the same damn thing* all over again! fell in love with the idea of love, followed the proper protocols of "boyfriend," and stability ensued. once we started living together, the underlying hell of the relationship reared its ugly head, and i finally had to dump her and move out. i hope that broke the cycle. : : : : : I see this as very unfivish and very unfivish and very unfourish ie "a yearning to be loved by a woman," In fact a womans live is till to this day very important to me, : : as it is to me. i don't think it's very un5 or un4 at all. the thing is, tho, it's an emotional center concern, a validation that you are a worthy individual capable of emotional connection with people. so, to get that need fulfilled, 5s will often act rationally and strategically. you with marrying divorcees and me with finding a 91 with a crush on me. they will often put the concept of this connection much higher in their minds than the actual realities of the emotions currently at work in their lives. : : : : : My first impression of a five is that for a five relationships and lonliness are not an issue. Im not as sure now. : : i could see how you would certainly get that impression. and they may be less of an issue than they are for other types (ie, look at 2s or 6es and interpersonal relationships) but there's often a certain anxiety about our social incompetence. i actually found that i was a lot lonlier with a woman who doesn't understand me than i am single. : : : : : To some this post may scream four. This may indeed be true. It is not that relavant to me whether I am 5/4 or 4/5. I just want to kno wwith a certain certainty what I am. Your opinions are not binding but they do influence me. : : i've been convinced for a while, and remain convinced, that you're a 54. this post certainly put 56 out of my mind, and it would take a lot to think that you're a 6. : : : : : If you are thinking of six I also have thougt of this point. there definitely is six in my personality. : : 5s and 7s will see certain similarities between themselves and point 6 by virtue of the fact that they identify with the intellectual center. point 6 typifies intellectual center focus and scrambling. : : : Thanx for your input : : no problem. egram typing is my favorite game. : Isaac : Im not going to beat this thing to death. Its time to move on. You are quite correct. Its not the actual woman or marriage etc that I am drawn to but the IDEA of the concepts it represents. I have never lookedor yearned for a "soul mate" because my own mind is wa and always will be my own best friend. To abstract the concept just a bit you could say that marriage and a family is symbolic of the idea of normality. Im drawn to "normality" because opposites attract (this is basic physics translated into psychlogical terms) and walking to the beat of a different drum Im naturally attracted to normality ie marriage family etc. : Like you I also had a relationship with a 9w1. I left her and kind of hurt her for a 6w7. I was not that attracted to the 6w7, but forming a relationship withthe 6w7 and her two young daughters I was forming a relationship with the Idea of family and normality. It is no cooincidence that all of my marriages have been with divorcees with children. I have never had nor do I really want children of my own starting from scratch. I firmly believe if i couod go back 30 years to age 22 and start over again knowing all I know now my life would still follow the same thread(Shades of Peggy Sue got married if you have seen that flick). : I do appreciate your keen insights. I have a gut feeling you will be writing more than one book : Paul : : isaac

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