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Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive Re: is there a 5 willing to help me?Posted by Sambersil on September 29, 2000 at 20:36:07: In Reply to: is there a 5 willing to help me? posted by Kasandra on September 28, 2000 at 23:52:10: Why are you posting this on a 5 board? I would think that we would be the last people you would want to ask about a social problem. : Hi, I'm a 4w5 and my boyfriend is a 5w4. We are very alike and I respect his "5" ness...he's very much a loner, no close friends or family, not a lot of interests aside from reading and studying...I give him a lot of space, quiet time, and I try not to talk too much (and I also don't get emotional around him when I can avoid it, since he hates that). My problem is that he is avoiding making a commitment or telling me he loves me...I can be patient for these things for a long time, but I live with him, which makes his silence very difficult (he is the one who asked me to move in over a year ago). At the same time, he has been very very nasty with me for weeks now...talking about leaving me for another woman (he doesn't know any, but still it hurts), teasing me, criticizing me, referring to me as his "roommate" and then expecting dinner and sex from me...I don't get it. I have not had any emotional outbursts in over 5 months...I haven't pushed him...I haven't brought up the subject...I try to stay occupied with my own work and projects and just leave him alone...and I can see that he is not good at communicating or connecting...but I wonder if he's trying to tell me to go away and forget about him/us, or whether he's just freaking out and therefore verbally abusing me? I don't understand and I desperately want to. I have tried to ask him where this tone is coming from (angry, critical, mean with no provocation) and he says nothing at all. : If you can help I would greatly appreciate it. I know many 5s can consider 4s annoying, but believe me, I respect 5s and value them, and I also have quite a bit of 5 in me, as well. I'm not sitting here bawling or feeling sorry for myself...but if this man doesn't really want a relationship and is trying to push me away -- if he's changed his mind and decided he can't do it -- I'd like to give him that if that would make him happier. I can move out/walk away. But I don't want to if he is merely going through a "scary" adjustment period and testing me. I'm just not sure what to think here, and with no talk from him, I'm very confused. : Thank you so much. I hope somebody can give me some insight. : Kasandra
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