i'll help

Posted by isaacthe54 on September 30, 2000 at 21:24:32:

In Reply to: is there a 5 willing to help me? posted by Kasandra on September 28, 2000 at 23:52:10:

when 54s piss me off i usually point it out as objectively as possible. just tell him what is bothering you. tell him that you are not willing to engage in this relationship if he is not willing to put any effort into keeping you happy.

think about it. right now, you're giving and giving hoping that he'll shape up on his own. that's as 2 as you can get. and what is he doing? he's just sucking it up and beign abrasive and combative and aloof. in short, going to 7. if you dont' stop this, he won't either. act more like a 1. be straightforward. don't whine at him that he shoudl really give you more gratitude for what you do. simply point out that you are not willing to keep up like this, and stick to your guns. don't cry and plead and do all that sappy crap, cause that goes right over a 5s head and scares us into being even more unhealthy. but, no 5 doesn't respect some good objectivity and straightforward honesty.

the most important part is that you actually stop if he doesn't shape up.

isaac

: Hi, I'm a 4w5 and my boyfriend is a 5w4. We are very alike and I respect his "5" ness...he's very much a loner, no close friends or family, not a lot of interests aside from reading and studying...I give him a lot of space, quiet time, and I try not to talk too much (and I also don't get emotional around him when I can avoid it, since he hates that). My problem is that he is avoiding making a commitment or telling me he loves me...I can be patient for these things for a long time, but I live with him, which makes his silence very difficult (he is the one who asked me to move in over a year ago). At the same time, he has been very very nasty with me for weeks now...talking about leaving me for another woman (he doesn't know any, but still it hurts), teasing me, criticizing me, referring to me as his "roommate" and then expecting dinner and sex from me...I don't get it. I have not had any emotional outbursts in over 5 months...I haven't pushed him...I haven't brought up the subject...I try to stay occupied with my own work and projects and just leave him alone...and I can see that he is not good at communicating or connecting...but I wonder if he's trying to tell me to go away and forget about him/us, or whether he's just freaking out and therefore verbally abusing me? I don't understand and I desperately want to. I have tried to ask him where this tone is coming from (angry, critical, mean with no provocation) and he says nothing at all.

: If you can help I would greatly appreciate it. I know many 5s can consider 4s annoying, but believe me, I respect 5s and value them, and I also have quite a bit of 5 in me, as well. I'm not sitting here bawling or feeling sorry for myself...but if this man doesn't really want a relationship and is trying to push me away -- if he's changed his mind and decided he can't do it -- I'd like to give him that if that would make him happier. I can move out/walk away. But I don't want to if he is merely going through a "scary" adjustment period and testing me. I'm just not sure what to think here, and with no talk from him, I'm very confused.

: Thank you so much. I hope somebody can give me some insight.

: Kasandra

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