Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive

Yeah, Kas. Take it from someone who knows.

Yeah, Kas. Take it from someone who knows.

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Diarmuid on October 03, 2000 at 07:15:21:

In Reply to: deja vu posted by cj on October 01, 2000 at 09:26:23:

My post above is from a male perspective, telling you what buttons you will need to push to have any hope of sorting him out.

cj's insight seems to me to be way more important.

: Hi Kasandra! I'm a 4w5, and my ex-boyfriend is a 5w4 and I went through what you describe for five years. I was patient, loving, giving, undemanding... My boyfriend also asked my to move in with him after two years, then wanted to live separately again after four, which devastated me. He was also very cruel, distant, and undemonstrative. On the positive side, we shared so much intellectually and had so much fun together when it was "good" I stuck all the other stuff out hoping he'd change and we'd get married and have kids.

: The problem with being so giving and understanding is that a lot of anger builds up. I concentrated on being the perfect girlfriend for him for so long and put up with so much crap that when I finally got mad enough to leave, there was no going back. I can't say I regret it, I broke up with him a year and a half ago and we are still very close friends. Also, I have just started a relationship with a giving, emotionally intense and honest person and I can't believe I lived like I did for five years!!

: So my advice would be that if you really want to make this work, be realistic about your needs. You can bury them for a long time, but it isn't healthy, they'll fester. Face him with your honest feelings, it's painful (incredibly) to move on, but in the long run you're much better off in a relationship that is MUTUALLY SATISFYING!!!!

: Good luck and be strong!

: cj

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:
: My post above is from a male perspective, telling you what buttons you will need to push to have any hope of sorting him out. : cj's insight seems to me to be way more important. : : : Hi Kasandra! I'm a 4w5, and my ex-boyfriend is a 5w4 and I went through what you describe for five years. I was patient, loving, giving, undemanding... My boyfriend also asked my to move in with him after two years, then wanted to live separately again after four, which devastated me. He was also very cruel, distant, and undemonstrative. On the positive side, we shared so much intellectually and had so much fun together when it was "good" I stuck all the other stuff out hoping he'd change and we'd get married and have kids. : : The problem with being so giving and understanding is that a lot of anger builds up. I concentrated on being the perfect girlfriend for him for so long and put up with so much crap that when I finally got mad enough to leave, there was no going back. I can't say I regret it, I broke up with him a year and a half ago and we are still very close friends. Also, I have just started a relationship with a giving, emotionally intense and honest person and I can't believe I lived like I did for five years!! : : So my advice would be that if you really want to make this work, be realistic about your needs. You can bury them for a long time, but it isn't healthy, they'll fester. Face him with your honest feelings, it's painful (incredibly) to move on, but in the long run you're much better off in a relationship that is MUTUALLY SATISFYING!!!! : : Good luck and be strong! : : cj

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ] type5board/messages/569.html

Your Ad Here