Posted by Phoenix on October 27, 2001 at 08:50:22:
In Reply to: My Core Issue is definitely fear posted by JP on October 27, 2001 at 08:38:41:
: Of course, it may be that my perceptions regarding my type were simply molded by the first book I read on the topic, which was Palmer. But I don't think so.
: I would say that I experience anger or tension or frustration a lot more frequently than fear. I mean, my "inner critic" or the voice in my head or whatever tends to be critical of myself or others (or life in general) a lot. I am semi-conscious of this process, as it is sort of at the "front" or "top" of my awareness.
: But I think the deeper motivation is fear, that fear has been the underlying motivation behind most of my actions and "choices" in life ("choices" as opposed to actual choice because, having been largely unconscious of the fear I was basically a robot, responding unconsciously to fear) have been based upon avoiding those things I feared.
: For instance, my primary fear is probably confronting others. Reminds me of that Pink Floyd song "The Trial" - the worst possible judgment he could levy against himself was "I sentence you to be exposed before your peers". I guess exposure to the whim or judgment of others isn't exactly confrontation...but maybe exposure is what I fear about confronting?
: Fear of being exposed as being wrong, weak, or stupid. Fear of failure. Fear of a loss of security. Fear of being dominated by others. Fear of a loss of control.
: I think my search for knowledge is an attempt to master everything, to have complete control, so that I can protect myself from every eventuality. I think I scan the environment (including people) constantly, sort of like a 6, but rather than framing everything as a potential threat, I attempt to "understand" the thing/situation/person, to categorize it so that I can manipulate it and internalize it and see where it "fits". But the underlying motivation is "control", and the desire for that control springs from a fear of *loss* of control, of being at the arbitrary whim of fate or another person or whatever.
: And I feel like the "retreat from the world" is because I fear rejection, fear offering up myself for others to judge, because I cannot control their interpretations...and also because of the separateness and superiority things.