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Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive Re: Isn't "Games people play" the biggest psychology blockbuster in American publishing history?Posted by Diarmuid on January 06, 2002 at 10:03:10: In Reply to: Re: Isn't "Games people play" the biggest psychology blockbuster in American publishing history? posted by Margaret on January 05, 2002 at 23:37:02: : : A typical example of a game described in a book is where a husband more or less deliberately makes or allows his wife screw up (by failing to take simple, obvious precautions) just so he can get pissed at her and start a shouting argument. On the surface, he's shouting because of the fuck-up, but in reality he wanted the fuck-up to happen so he'd have an excuse to shout at her. In fact, he engineered the situation towards this fuck-up by giving her tasks that were obviously beyond her skill. : ****Again, I highly doubt this guy engineered this on purpose, just to have an excuse to shout at her. If he wanted to shout at her so bad, he would have just shouted (about anything). Most likely realistic case is that he thought she could get a,b,c,d (the whole house, for example) done. She ended up only getting a and b (half the house). And he got upset because now he feels 'shorted'. Well, to avoid that, I'd say, she needs to work on not overpromising and underdelivering, and he needs to include, plan for losses in his forecasts of what he thinks she will actually get done. Once he starts including losses in his plans (ie. Expecting her to come up with only half of what she says she can get) he will now know what to realistically expect, and no longer feel disappointed and let down, and she, well, obviously she needs to work on her credibility and stop promising she can do what is beyond her ability, so that she doesn't keep 'shorting' his expectations all the time. But how often does this happen in real life? In reality, the fights just go on and on, ending in divorce, violence or misery. But, presuming they really make an effort to follow the solution you propose, what then? Well, if they follow it perfectly, they become perfect and happy. But what if they try to follow that advice, but overcompensate? She quits agreeing to do anything but the fewest, simplest tasks. He reduces expectations so much that he won't even trust her to buy groceries. She'll resent being treated like a simpleton. He'll be annoyed that she doesn't take on any of the complicated tasks. Maybe human beings are programmed to be unhappy together.
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