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one step at a time & half full vs. half empty

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Posted by Margaret on January 06, 2002 at 10:44:07:

In Reply to: Re: Isn't "Games people play" the biggest psychology blockbuster in American publishing history? posted by Diarmuid on January 06, 2002 at 10:03:10:

: But how often does this happen in real life? In reality, the fights just go on and on, ending in divorce, violence or misery.

***Not all people break up. All married people except one uncle in my extended family have somehow managed to find ways to reach consensus, resolve conflicts, and live with their partner. Resolving conflict and dispute mediation is a global and life long process that involves all areas with all people. The only difference is that your skills in handling this are simply magnified in an intimate relationship.

: But, presuming they really make an effort to follow the solution you propose, what then? Well, if they follow it perfectly, they become perfect and happy.

***Perfection, like happiness, is not a destiny, but a direction, a journey, life long.

: But what if they try to follow that advice, but overcompensate? She quits agreeing to do anything but the fewest, simplest tasks. He reduces expectations so much that he won't even trust her to buy groceries. She'll resent being treated like a simpleton. He'll be annoyed that she doesn't take on any of the complicated tasks.

***I would say start small, then build your way up slowly, gradually. Trust (which is what the issue is here) takes a long time to develop. Starting off too much too fast is not a good idea I have learned. The best way is to build trust is to start off by setting very small expectations and goals with each other and as one by one gets met, gradually build up to increase greater trust levels. Building friendship with another takes patience. Strong relationship with high levels of trust takes time. I am convinced the only way to build one successfully is one step at a time.

: Maybe human beings are programmed to be unhappy together.

***Bottom line is people have a choice of either looking at the glass half empty or half full. It's up to each person as an individual to determine their view on life. As well as the people they choose to spend time with and have a relationship with.

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: : But how often does this happen in real life? In reality, the fights just go on and on, ending in divorce, violence or misery. : ***Not all people break up. All married people except one uncle in my extended family have somehow managed to find ways to reach consensus, resolve conflicts, and live with their partner. Resolving conflict and dispute mediation is a global and life long process that involves all areas with all people. The only difference is that your skills in handling this are simply magnified in an intimate relationship. : : : But, presuming they really make an effort to follow the solution you propose, what then? Well, if they follow it perfectly, they become perfect and happy. : ***Perfection, like happiness, is not a destiny, but a direction, a journey, life long. : : But what if they try to follow that advice, but overcompensate? She quits agreeing to do anything but the fewest, simplest tasks. He reduces expectations so much that he won't even trust her to buy groceries. She'll resent being treated like a simpleton. He'll be annoyed that she doesn't take on any of the complicated tasks. : ***I would say start small, then build your way up slowly, gradually. Trust (which is what the issue is here) takes a long time to develop. Starting off too much too fast is not a good idea I have learned. The best way is to build trust is to start off by setting very small expectations and goals with each other and as one by one gets met, gradually build up to increase greater trust levels. Building friendship with another takes patience. Strong relationship with high levels of trust takes time. I am convinced the only way to build one successfully is one step at a time. : : Maybe human beings are programmed to be unhappy together. : ***Bottom line is people have a choice of either looking at the glass half empty or half full. It's up to each person as an individual to determine their view on life. As well as the people they choose to spend time with and have a relationship with.

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