Posted by Laurence on October 28, 2000 at 16:55:28:
In Reply to: Re: Hyperfocus and other people posted by bill on October 26, 2000 at 16:20:57:
*** Thanks for telling your age, to me it is an important factor for maturity tends to alter our perception.
: The interesting part of this is that friendship is a relative term. I
: consider a friend someone who I can share inner thoughts easily with;
: someone I can trust. My wife is my best and only real friend. I demand
: an intensity to the relationship in my mind that I never find in
: friendships.
*** I can totally apply the statements above to me except that I divorced, left my second soul mate and lives alone since. Yes, true friendship implies trust and intensity for me too, and real openness. I often have the feeling I carry most of my friends at arms length, ie I always have to watch for what I say, so much has to be avoided....
I find that males generally make lousy
: friends because they cannot maintain their masculinity and share their
: inner weaknesses.
*** I'm a female and most of my best friends are males...No sex involved, but a better "reaching" and more chances to share similar interests.
My wife is jealous of
: women friends I might make, and so I tend to avoid them.
*** Eh, when I was still married, I had male friends I enjoyed having long discussions with, and my husband was better not control how I wished to interact with other people, I knew he could trust me, so what!
Anyway, my wife says that most people
: don't have such high standards for friendship, and consquently many of
: the people who I feel I am skimming the surface with would consider me
: their friend. This is not very satisfying for me,
*** Sure, people belonging to different types are different, have different beliefs, values and expectations, this is in a way so damned logic! We do grow by becoming more flexible and open to differences, but we still need to "go home" regularly and fill up our inner batteries.
but there is little
: I can do about it.
*** No, there is a lot you can do, but this is totally up to you, eh!
I will probably always feel uncomfortable around
: people, because thats the way I am made.
*** No, no, no, you can work on it. I did, it does work and there is nothing to loose, a lot to gain, but it is hard work, and a lot of wonderful new learning, eh.