Re: You've drained all the fun out of being a jerk! :)

Posted by Laurence on November 14, 2000 at 03:47:08:

In Reply to: You've drained all the fun out of being a jerk! :) posted by Rotten Apple on November 13, 2000 at 23:22:55:

All depends what what we want a relationship for...

If it is in order to share ideas and deepen insights, I'll look for someone similar to me. AND, believe me, in my remote plot, INTPs are non-existant, I may be the only sample available... I have to put up hanging aroung people much older than I who at least show some maturity and depth of perception. People of my age group bore me so much, they are shallow, interested, schemy, hypocritical, jealous, you name it!

If it is for sex, I've become more and more discraminative as I grow older and more mature. If itisn't freely shared with real openness and mutual respect, I don't want any of it. I'm not hooked on that as some of my girlfriends (or male friends are) although there must be a healthier way than none, a balance somewhere halfway. I hate sex where you feel you're little more than an object!

And I realised, having spent the past 3 years all alone, that I've become quite possessive with my time, I will refuse to go out during the day, I DO prefer to be on my own at home, doing what I enjoy, eating what I have chosen to, listening to the music I like, etc.
Yet, if I don't see any human being for a day or two, I start feeling somewhat "unreal", I know then it's time to go out for a while and have a discussion with one of the few persons I enjoy being with.
The twist is that in none of my previous "intimate" relationships did I loose any control over my own choices. Thus, I won't even consider it as a problem. What I was more afraid of was the need for feeling loved and the potential hurt from that.

Yet, I have to admit that going on with life all alone in a tough world as it is today, with little to no kindness and gentleness around, never feeling that you're loved does take a heavy toll. Denying it would be foolish. Yes, even for a loner, feeling loved does feel good, yet I'm talking about unconditional love, for I reject any manipulative kind of "I'll love you if...."

: Well, there are a number of ways to maintain power in relationships. HeeHee... I do it by being absolutely insensitive to the feelings of the other party. You'd think people might walk away... but most folks are so piss-weak they rarely do. They gravitate toward those who are confident, know their own mind, and act shamelessly.

: Point is: you build up the idea in your head that letting people know you compromises your position... when it actually strengthens your position. When people see you being confident in your vulnerability, they will see they cannot hurt you and beyond that, will see you as a strength against which to anchor themselves.

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