Devestation.

Posted by Sedna on November 15, 2000 at 09:06:39:

I have been dating an INTJ-Five for about 7 months. He claims that before me, he never knew what intimacy was...indeed, we were able to communicate about difficult emotions and shared much love and affection. His marriage of 18 yeras was to a 9...passionless, but secure and calm for him.

he showed "positive" signs of Five attachment such as jealousy, being upset by diagreements, etc. as well as being affectionate, caring, sensual/sexual.

Even though I am a Four, it was he who came on strong....asked me to marry him, etc. He would open up, then close down again...he has a Four wing...and boy did I recognize that push-pull, which I have actively fought to resist in myself. Iwas really committed to creating a healthy relationship with him.

But now, I am devestated. We have been having to confront where our intimacy really stands and after a tense interaction where I left his house he sends me an email in a day saying he had decided to terminate our romance, end of story. He was so matter of fact, and so "gone." I believe his words.

Can Fives really shut down so easily? I cannot cut my love off so easily...I understand the impluse but my emotions don't switch off and down, esp. when I love someone.

Insights from Fives, and esp. INTJs, would be greatly apprieciated.
Thanks,
Sedna

Follow Ups:

• Re: Devestation. Rotten Apple 23:15:25 11/16/00 (0)
• Re: Devestation. Margaret 17:38:46 11/15/00 (6)
  • Re: she thinks shes a 5 now thinks shes a 5 now 09:29:46 11/16/00 (3)
    • Here, analyze this - M 18:56:07 11/16/00 (2)
      • Re: Here, analyze this - K.B. 03:13:03 11/17/00 (0)
      • Don't go by tests.... Excalibur 00:50:44 11/17/00 (0)
  • Re: Devestation. Laurence 02:46:32 11/16/00 (1)
    • Re: Devestation. Margaret 17:51:47 11/16/00 (0)
• How do you know he was actually a 5? N.T. K.B. 11:12:26 11/15/00 (6)
  • Re: How do you know he was actually a 5? N.T. Heidi 02:02:51 11/16/00 (5)
    • Different reasons Rotten Apple 23:28:09 11/16/00 (0)
    • Re: How do you know he was actually a 5? N.T. Laurence 02:50:11 11/16/00 (3)
      • Maybe a 5 going to 7 nt Ping Pong 09:48:15 11/16/00 (0)
      • That IS a good point... Sedna 09:28:49 11/16/00 (0)
      • That IS a good point... Sedna 09:28:42 11/16/00 (0)
• Re: Devestation. Perciever 09:53:15 11/15/00 (0)
• Re: Devestation. Perciever 09:51:01 11/15/00 (2)
  • i before e except after c 23:36:40 11/16/00 (0)
  • Re: Can you describe some of the bad four behaviours you experienced? I'm curious....n/t Summer 20:32:18 11/16/00 (0)

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