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Re: just the right amount of push

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Posted by RoTtEn ApPlE (63.59.255.47) on November 25, 2002 at 17:24:04:

In Reply to: just the right amount of push posted by Diarmuid (194.125.220.201) on November 25, 2002 at 11:42:25:

I have a real problem getting and maintaining new friendships. One of my major problems is that with each new person added to a social situation the quieter and more withdrawn I become. I tend to be great one on one and good in groups of 3 or 4. My involvement pretty much vanishes in a group of 6 or more (or in a noisy room). So at parties and places where I might have the 'easy' opportunity to meet new people I usually am too overstimulated to be interesting and too quiet to thrust myself into a conversation. Making it further difficult is the fact that I don't like to talk about myself… particularly with strangers… and will be evasive with 'getting to know you' type questions. I have also learned to shut up very quickly when I start a conversation about some obscure piece of information that is infinitely fascinating to me but seems to be boring the person I'm talking to… even if it's simply my perception that they are nodding and smiling because they are 'being polite' and I don't detect genuine interest. This sometimes breeds a little 'ignorant masses' arrogance on my part. Meeting another 5 is usually such a pleasure because he or she is much more likely to be interested in learning something new and doesn't find it a strange way to get to know someone. I know several 5s who have adapted by being wits… attracting attention through humor. Being funny is a lot like being good looking. People want you around even if they don't know you well or haven't talked to you it six weeks.

Once I make a connection with someone, maintaining it becomes a problem. I lost one new friendship with an interesting Type 4 in the last few months through shere neglect. I spend way too much time in activities I enjoy alone… painting is a big one. Plus, I've got a real 'out of sight, out of mind' thing and don't think much about people who don't cross my path regularly. If there isn't a regular impetus for spending time together, I will usually let long periods lapse between contact. This is why playing D&D every Sunday is a good thing. Gives me a weekly 'reason' to socialize. (Not to mention an operating schema that is less draining than other social interactions can be).

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> I have a real problem getting and maintaining new friendships. One of my major problems is that with each new person added to a social situation the quieter and more withdrawn I become. I tend to be great one on one and good in groups of 3 or 4. My involvement pretty much vanishes in a group of 6 or more (or in a noisy room). So at parties and places where I might have the 'easy' opportunity to meet new people I usually am too overstimulated to be interesting and too quiet to thrust myself into a conversation. Making it further difficult is the fact that I don't like to talk about myself… particularly with strangers… and will be evasive with 'getting to know you' type questions. I have also learned to shut up very quickly when I start a conversation about some obscure piece of information that is infinitely fascinating to me but seems to be boring the person I'm talking to… even if it's simply my perception that they are nodding and smiling because they are 'being polite' and I don't detect genuine interest. This sometimes breeds a little 'ignorant masses' arrogance on my part. Meeting another 5 is usually such a pleasure because he or she is much more likely to be interested in learning something new and doesn't find it a strange way to get to know someone. I know several 5s who have adapted by being wits… attracting attention through humor. Being funny is a lot like being good looking. People want you around even if they don't know you well or haven't talked to you it six weeks. > Once I make a connection with someone, maintaining it becomes a problem. I lost one new friendship with an interesting Type 4 in the last few months through shere neglect. I spend way too much time in activities I enjoy alone… painting is a big one. Plus, I've got a real 'out of sight, out of mind' thing and don't think much about people who don't cross my path regularly. If there isn't a regular impetus for spending time together, I will usually let long periods lapse between contact. This is why playing D&D every Sunday is a good thing. Gives me a weekly 'reason' to socialize. (Not to mention an operating schema that is less draining than other social interactions can be).

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