Posted by Flower Pagan (68.35.113.192) on January 20, 2003 at 10:55:15:
In Reply to: Re: 5s and the mating ritual posted by deras (65.64.136.131) on January 19, 2003 at 07:40:05:
> yeah, don't listen to any of the 'be yourself' nonsense... the way to get people to like you is to act inauthentically, that way you can potentially waste their time and your own.
FP: I agree with this. I find men who are not authentic a turn off. I have more respect for men who dare to be themselves. I try to encourage my female friends to be honest. How can a man accept you for you if you don't allow them to know who you are?
FP: If you don't think you are worthy of love being yourself, I guess, you will have to try to earn love by being a false image, but you won't know if they love the real you since they only had opportunity to love an image.
> the psychology research on this is pretty clear men and women prefer straight-forwardness.
FP: I like straight-forwardness. If that guy who was a 5 was straight-forward with me, I think we could be together. He have done those things you say you do, even with the joking with me, the voice thing, change in his tone of voice, and even made some remarks that shocked me, but I could not tell if he really likes me or not. He could just feel comfortable being my friend more than he does most people.
along with that you have GRIP... graduated reciprocal incremental progress, where each party mirrors the other's level of investment. you make a small move and wait for them to make an equitable response before making any more investments and as things progress you can increase the size of your moves (as long as their reciprocations warrant it).
FP: That would work if you are consistent and allow this to esculate. Why not ask the person to go out to lunch with you as friends and build up from there. Be yourself and value your own self-worth as an intelligent individual and allow the guy to appreciate what makes you you.
FP: I have to admit, I don't like the superficiality of the dating ritual in the US, and I am not surprised that the divorce rate is above 50% now from what I have observed in people's behaviors. Yea, by the time they learned the truth, it is too late and they are emotionally stuck in a bad situation that they regret later. If you want to continue that destructive cycle, go right ahead. My belief is, either you like me for me or you don't.
FP: Barbara DeAngeles wrote a book called the Real Rules. I agree with her about doing away all those old stupid rules that people use in dating. The real rules is quite simple and more easy to remember. Just be yourself, which will help you screen out the guys that are wrong for you. I was happy to see that and knowing that I am doing the right thing of running them away. Froggy likes the real me, and he turned out to be the best boyfriend that I ever had. He was authentic and so was I.