Posted by Ev (65.69.223.148) on January 20, 2003 at 21:27:45:
In Reply to: 5s and the mating ritual posted by Ryan (65.141.165.62) on January 18, 2003 at 23:41:42:
Also, from a 5 perspective, don't be afraid to use humor. There's not much that's sexier and as a 5 there's a good chance you're good with words, quips, and such. Give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Humor also takes quite a bit of pressure off the other person and gives them lots of opportunities to segue into something more interesting (romantically that is).
Ev
> Hi Amy.
> I know for a fact that there are attractive 5s of both genders out there. And I also know that 5s do flirt. The problem is that 5s don't usually flirt in a way that other types recognize as flirting. The 5s I've known who flirt tend to flirt by showing general interest in someone, asking questions and, basically, putting more feeling into their tone of voice than they normally do with others. My friends can tell when I'm flirting with a woman because I act in a different way than I normally act, much more friendly and "normal." But the women I flirt with usually just think I'm a normal friendly guy when I do this. I don't think most 5s have a "sexy gaze" or a "wild fun side" or effectively act coquettish in the case of females.
> 5s may flirt in these ways, but they don't usually go overboard as other types can, and as a result they don't stand out. If 5s just show intellectual curiosity towards someone they like, they either are pegged as weird or as an interesting friend, but not as mate material.
> Basically, my advice to you if you are interested in people who aren't 5s is to put on an act for a short amount of time, no matter how distasteful it may seem. I'm not saying be slutty, but act a little wilder than normal or a little more coquettish than normal. Giggle a little more. Have a little more positive energy and let it show to who you like. And then if you make a match, gradually tone it down until the person you like gets used to the real you. I don't consider this dishonest. I consider it more of a universal human "mating ritual" that just doesn't happen to be the 5's forte. People are always slightly dishonest when they start relationships. Mates usually subconsciously forgive each other for any exaggeration in desirability.
> Ryan
> > You made this remark in an earlier post: "And good-looking Five females probably do not flirt in a way that gets them many sexual partners." Could you elaborate on that? I'm a female five who likes to think of herself as good-looking. I definitely believe I often flirt in a way that most guys wouldn't identify as flirting. I'd be interested in knowing how you came to this conclusion about female fives and flirting. There's this movie I like a lot called "101 Ways (The Things a Girl Will Do to Keep Her Volvo)" in which the female lead (a five) has a thing for the grocery check-out guy (which I can totally relate to--I enjoy having my group of cute guys at various businesses I frequent to look forward to seeing--the Trader Joe's guy, the video store guy, etc.), and she's talking to her friend about how she just flirted with the check-out guy. Her friend couldn't tell she was flirting. She says something like, "Couldn't you tell I was flirting with him from the tone of my voice?" Her friend doesn't know what she's talking about. Again I can relate. I have a co-worker I'm attracted to and I'm hoping to build up enough little flirty moments with him that eventually we'll both have to admit we want to get together. I'm shy, and I think he is, too. I'm not sure if my flirty signals have gotten through to him, and I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into what seem to be flirty signals from him. I realize this all sounds very foolish, but I don't want to make a blatant move in case he's not interested, particularly since I'll continue to see him in work-related situations. Anyway, please let me know what you know about female fives and flirting. Thanks.
> > Amy