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the situation as is

the situation as is

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Posted by Cecil on October 30, 1999 at 17:57:48:

In Reply to: Re: It's not a problem - it's good to be passionate. posted by Ryan on October 29, 1999 at 21:11:08:

> > the thing is Cecil, you talk a bit about your situation, but you don't let on why your in that situation, which sounds pretty dire to me, and why you can't get out of that situation. Do you intend staying in such a situation for the next few years? I couldn't stand to share a room with other people - I couldn't cope at all. You must be a very strong person to cope with it.

MONEY. I'm there because I don't have enough money to go elsewhere.
I'm still looking for a place (in this vicinity) to sleep where I can afford it. I'm not having that much good luck, like I have before in other vicinities.

It makes me want to retreat to my natural instinct, which is to 'skip town' to elsewhere, fast.
However, that option is no longer available anymore. I have decided to discontinue living a life being constantly 'on the run', to run away from my problems instead of confronting them and moving constructively through them.
I no longer want to 'give in' to just leaving when the going gets rough.
I've done that my whole life.
It's too easy to run away from problems instead of dealing with them straight on.
It's this part of me that I'm struggling with the most.
It's this inner struggle that we're actually seeing 'play out' here, as evinced in my lack of skills/ability/know-how/experience in not being able to make any progress so far in tackling the obstacles I currently face in my immediate environment.

As for this place in particular, I didn't know how hard it would be to find a room to myself where I don't have to be restricted to going in and out of it, but can go in and out of it any time I want.
I never knew how easy I had it in other areas, how spoiled I was, how lucky I was before this.
I always thought living an unrestricted life was the NORM.
Now I have learned the hard way, it is NOT the norm.
It is the opposite.
A life full of restrictions and limitations all over the place is the norm, not 'no limits'.

This is what makes it hard for me: to learn how to operate within a 'systemized' environment is DIFFICULT.
I usually just LEAVE. Now that 'security blanket' of 'taking off' is no longer an option, I am going through 'withdrawal' and EVERYTHING in sight is starting to p**s the heck out of me.

Here are my choices: 1) LEAVE (my primary first instinct), 2) stay and do what the system wants me to do 3) find a room on my own IMMEDIATELY, then take care of all my other bull crud after I get my 'peace' and 'space'.
One is not an option. Two is currently driving me BONKERS. Three so far has not come through. I haven't found anything so far. And it's driving me NUTS.

The only thing left to do is keep looking for a room that I can move in and do whatever I want.
Which has so far giving me the NUMBER ONE cause of frustration.
Reason being, that, I so far can't find ANYone around here that says if you pay me cash, you get a room, if you don't pay me cash, you don't get a room.
None of this checking on whether or not you know where your next $20.00 will come from. How the world I am supposed to know them where it will come from? This is asking WAY too much.
I wish I could find more people who didn't care where it comes from, just as long as I can come up with it somehow, but I can't find anyone like that around here so far.
That's why I'm going nuts.

Instead I'm running into a bunch of stuff that I'm not used to, like a 'waiting list', 'reference checks', 'paperwork', 'procedures', 'requirements', and beauracracy I am not used to.
And this is why the second option is what I feel I'm being forced to take, because so far, the third option is not materializing.
It makes me feel so helpless.
I don't like this feeling.

> Yeah, roommates suck. Fives hate 'em more than anyone else. :)

> Ryan

Currently my latest roommate talks to herself OUT LOUD ALL day and ALL night, and it's DRVING ME NUTS. I keep asking her to shut up (in nicer words), but she doesn't.
I think she is a 4w5, because she is self-absorbed and talks in her own made-up language that no one else can understand. She wouldn't be that bad, if only she would just SHUT UP.

Cecil

Also, now I'm starting to think that this topic should from now on be continued on the careboard, because somewhere or other it got from 'public' to 'personal'.

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Thank you Cecil - Continued on Care Board.NT Tiggy. 19:22:35 10/30/99 (0)

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> > > the thing is Cecil, you talk a bit about your situation, but you don't let on why your in that situation, which sounds pretty dire to me, and why you can't get out of that situation. Do you intend staying in such a situation for the next few years? I couldn't stand to share a room with other people - I couldn't cope at all. You must be a very strong person to cope with it. > MONEY. I'm there because I don't have enough money to go elsewhere. > I'm still looking for a place (in this vicinity) to sleep where I can afford it. I'm not having that much good luck, like I have before in other vicinities. > It makes me want to retreat to my natural instinct, which is to 'skip town' to elsewhere, fast. > However, that option is no longer available anymore. I have decided to discontinue living a life being constantly 'on the run', to run away from my problems instead of confronting them and moving constructively through them. > I no longer want to 'give in' to just leaving when the going gets rough. > I've done that my whole life. > It's too easy to run away from problems instead of dealing with them straight on. > It's this part of me that I'm struggling with the most. > It's this inner struggle that we're actually seeing 'play out' here, as evinced in my lack of skills/ability/know-how/experience in not being able to make any progress so far in tackling the obstacles I currently face in my immediate environment. > As for this place in particular, I didn't know how hard it would be to find a room to myself where I don't have to be restricted to going in and out of it, but can go in and out of it any time I want. > I never knew how easy I had it in other areas, how spoiled I was, how lucky I was before this. > I always thought living an unrestricted life was the NORM. > Now I have learned the hard way, it is NOT the norm. > It is the opposite. > A life full of restrictions and limitations all over the place is the norm, not 'no limits'. > This is what makes it hard for me: to learn how to operate within a 'systemized' environment is DIFFICULT. > I usually just LEAVE. Now that 'security blanket' of 'taking off' is no longer an option, I am going through 'withdrawal' and EVERYTHING in sight is starting to p**s the heck out of me. > Here are my choices: 1) LEAVE (my primary first instinct), 2) stay and do what the system wants me to do 3) find a room on my own IMMEDIATELY, then take care of all my other bull crud after I get my 'peace' and 'space'. > One is not an option. Two is currently driving me BONKERS. Three so far has not come through. I haven't found anything so far. And it's driving me NUTS. > The only thing left to do is keep looking for a room that I can move in and do whatever I want. > Which has so far giving me the NUMBER ONE cause of frustration. > Reason being, that, I so far can't find ANYone around here that says if you pay me cash, you get a room, if you don't pay me cash, you don't get a room. > None of this checking on whether or not you know where your next $20.00 will come from. How the world I am supposed to know them where it will come from? This is asking WAY too much. > I wish I could find more people who didn't care where it comes from, just as long as I can come up with it somehow, but I can't find anyone like that around here so far. > That's why I'm going nuts. > Instead I'm running into a bunch of stuff that I'm not used to, like a 'waiting list', 'reference checks', 'paperwork', 'procedures', 'requirements', and beauracracy I am not used to. > And this is why the second option is what I feel I'm being forced to take, because so far, the third option is not materializing. > It makes me feel so helpless. > I don't like this feeling. > > Yeah, roommates suck. Fives hate 'em more than anyone else. :) > > Ryan > Currently my latest roommate talks to herself OUT LOUD ALL day and ALL night, and it's DRVING ME NUTS. I keep asking her to shut up (in nicer words), but she doesn't. > I think she is a 4w5, because she is self-absorbed and talks in her own made-up language that no one else can understand. She wouldn't be that bad, if only she would just SHUT UP. > Cecil > Also, now I'm starting to think that this topic should from now on be continued on the careboard, because somewhere or other it got from 'public' to 'personal'.

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