Posted by b.b. on December 01, 1999 at 20:06:08:
In Reply to: 3 'levels' of communication posted by Cecil on December 01, 1999 at 18:04:39:
> I say this because I beleive there are three basic movements of interpersonal human interaction:
> 1) up the ante - become more aggressive
> 2) moderate - stay in place, steady
> 3) lower the ante - become more kind
> You can 'tell' which movements are people making with:
> A) voice tone, speed, and volume (if increase, more aggressive, if decreases, more gentle)
> B) content (if negative, aggressive, if positive, gentle)
> You can only make three levels (types) of responses.
> To make one move out of (1) and into either (3) at best, or (2) at least, then try what I just recommended, or end the interaction, lest the two of you both increase (1) at each other and end up destroying everything in sight.
> Also, to 'move' from (1) to (3) is not possible, one must move from (1) to (2) then to (3), even though you can still move lightning fast, number (2) must always be passed thorugh form 1 - 3 and 3-1.
> Also, (2) is the best level to come up with solutions to reduce and appease aggressiveness, so that once solutions are reached and agreed upon, one can then feel 'safe' enough to move down to (3).
> > But that's just 'playing into' where he lead you to go.
> > He 'hits', you 'hit back', then his turn, then yours, see the cycle?
> > You want this cycle to continue: for what objective?
> > You are both now either upping the ante of aggressions onto each other or deadlocking.
> > To get him to move 'down' from the aggressive stance, risk going first. Of course, you don't want to go all the way. But to try and get him to be a little more kind, you may need to be kind first. Then stop at a 'low-risk' level and check his response. If he responds by moving back down to be closer to your level of less aggression-more kindness, then keep moving, slowly, more into that direction, making sure that he follows you in kind.
> > If, however, he does not continue to lower his aggression, then DON'T continue to lower yours. Instead, either go back up to where you were, and END it, or don't even bother doing that, just end it right where you are. Inform him politely that should he wish to converse about more positive a nd construcitve perspectives, then you can continue your discussion, but not until then.
> > Cecil
Hi Cec,
This is some pretty good advice in the communication field.
Thanks. Although I don't think I will take it any further,
I have said enough.
b.b.