entrapment stops life

Posted by Margaret on February 28, 2000 at 20:20:40:

In Reply to: What makes a 7? posted by Margaret on February 28, 2000 at 19:46:18:

The only time I can ever truly relax is right when I take off and never see people again. I get a huge overwhelming sense of relief when I close the door and walk out, most the time without saying good-bye. It just feels better, like I can breath again.
And when that's taken away, the only thing left is to makae plans for escape and trips to leave in the future.
If I'm not leaving, then I'm making plans to leave.
I'm always either leaving or making plans to leave. One or the other. But rarely I find myself present right where I want to be.
What I truly want I DO know VERY clearly, but to actually 'get' it, 'have' it, I doubt I'll ever live long enough to ever get anywhere near there.
To be happy with the present, with so many set-backs, rejections, let-downs, people dissapointing you, letting you down, how can one possibly be happy with this? What else is one to do? Reality is so depressing. Especially when you're alone and no one knows or seems to care.
My life is on a stand still right now. Actually, physically, literally not moving anywhere. Everything is being blocked. The days moves on but the progress moves dead slow and the clock keeps ticking and my life keeps sinking, with options dwindling into zero left.
All I want is to get out of here and move on with my life. Make some progress before I die. DO something for a change. Because I sure as hell am being blocked from doing anything now.
I better not die here, here, in these chains that collude to keep me imprisoned. I have a whole life to live, things that need to get done, things to do, but I can't cause I'm stuck and it's all out of my hands, out of my control, and I can't keep living like this any longer. I just want to go to sleep now. I'm tired.

> Would you consider someone to be a 7 if their usual solution to deal with harash blows to the ego is to run from pain, literally, physically to go somehwere else, to live life on the run? When it's blocked, and leaving is no longer an option, then the only other solution left is to live life on the run in your mind, your imagination.
> Because anything but the reality of the here is now in times under attack is better then feeling what one cannot control and does not want to feel, that is to feel worthless and helpless to do anything about painful, hurtful feelings of rejection out of your reach, beond our control.
> Taking off, leaving, moving, living life on the run, too fast to think about what just happened, is this the way of a seven?

> (If so, perhaps that's what I am.)

Follow Ups:

• Re: entrapment stops life Sean 20:27:52 02/28/00 (2)
  • different view now Margaret 11:20:34 02/29/00 (1)
    • Sounds more like a Four to me. nt Tiggy 17:41:56 02/29/00 (0)

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