Posted by Sean on March 01, 2000 at 19:09:24:
In Reply to: Re:I'm New! continued posted by Z on February 29, 2000 at 21:53:54:
Hi Z,
How'd your test go?
I'd be careful about oversimplifying that Fours tend to get depressed. While Fours are well-known for lingering in sadness, all types can get depressed, I've seen it. Twos certainly do as well. Even more forward energy types (Sevens, Eights and Threes - my dad's a Three) can get depressed. It's more significant the character of the depression and what triggers the depression. For me, it's not being able to fix myself that does it... I've been known to savage myself for a lack of discipline, and a feeling of hopelessness of ever being good enough to merit loveability can overtake me, that's how depression works with em.
Don't worry about the wing too much, is my suggestion. If you're a Three, then you will probably know something about Two and Four territory, and you can leave it at that and work with your core point head-on. For Threes it's important to observe the automatic way attention goes to tasks and doing things for people - shining to get attention. When a Three catches themselves in the act of this type of habitual attention, they have a choice to still go ahead and spend the energy in that way if it's appropriate or to ask themselves instead, "What am I really feeling here?" It's a hard question, but to do real inner work it's always the hardest thing for your type that is the challenge.
As a One, I catch myself in the act of seeing what's in error and needing to devote energy to fixing it all the time. This is how resentment builds with Ones. We have things we want to do, but we're pulled by an obligation to do the right thing whenever we see something that should be fixed. If we ignore the thing that's wrong, we tend to feel pretty guilty about letting it slide. The message our critic delivers is, "You saw. You knew. You're guilty." Not all things of course. We can't fix everything you people screw up! Ha ha. So we have to let a lot of things go, but that doesn't mean we don't feel a lot of irritation about those things. Our resentment, again, is that we don't get to have the fun others get to have because our obligation is so high. We don't get what we want.
Now, the trick to seeing through this mechanism is observing myself right at the moment I start to spend my energy to fix something or to think about what I have to do to make something right. In that moment, I name the thing I'm doing: "Getting angry about the mess left in the kitchen." And then I ask myself, "What do I really want?" And it's really amazing what answers come to me that I would have never even considered, that have nothing to do with the kitchen or dishes, or the list of things to do I'm working off of.
"What do I really want?"
"What do I really need?"
"What am I really afraid of?"
"What am I really feeling?"
These seem to be useful questions to ask in that catch-in-the-act moment. Wait for the answer, since it's the kind of thing that can take a little while to know (it's the thing you're forgetting with the energy of your personality).
Remember, no matter how evolved or self-aware we are, we're always beginning, and it's important to remember compassion for ourselves. And that the universe favors beginners, which kind of works out rather smashingly.
I'm looking forward to more of your telling the story of Threes!
Sean
P.S. Just for the record, as an approval seeker, the Two-wing of Three can be rooted in giving someone what they need so they will approve of you. For just a straight Two, the giving often shows up as more targeted - giving to the people you select so that you can be important in their lives and they will give you what you need in return. Threes seem to want more general approval, adulation, respect, for the things they do.