Sounds like you abandoned that girl who asked you out! nt

Posted by Tiggy on March 30, 2000 at 19:18:01:

In Reply to: Interacting with the world posted by Cory on March 30, 2000 at 00:22:36:

> The shame factor in face-to-face interactions is very high. At least on here, there is a relative degree of anonymity, so whatever I say or act like doesnt reveal the Whole Me. All you see are ideas with a name attached to it, so there's not much room for shame. Now, in real life, it's much more different since its more "real". I got a lot more at stake there so 100% of my external world interactions are based on deceit and fear. Also, I tend to panic very easily if the conversation starts getting more intimate or I'm asked to make an obligation. Once I was asked out by a girl (whom I charmed with my wit, nonetheless) and accepted her...however, I began to have second thoughts for reasons I won't go into, and from then on tried to avoid her. I guess my passive-aggressive nature can be annoying to some people.

> Actually, I think I have a poor self-image of myself in the world, which I am overcoming. I used to see myself as EXTREMELY introverted, but now I realized it's only moderate to heavy. As well, I've had several people point out to me that I am "unique", "weird", "different", yet my interaction with the world is a constact act, it's a role I play, and the role I play (well Attempt, obviously) is of someone who is rather normal. I really thought I was doing a good job, until some started seeing under my mask. Not that it matters. I mean, people say "be your true self and you'll be accepted". Not at all. I've found my difference and odd personality just amuse people, but don't get them to like me more. I'm more of a caged zoo animal who provides idle entertainment, then they abandon me to go home while I remain. Yes, that's my existence in a metaphor. You see, no one LIKES me...they only find me interesting, like a scientist studying some rare insect.

> You know, people brag about being an "outcast", but that infuriates me since I find that to be pretentious of them. In high school for example, EVERYBODY, and by everybody I mean everyone except me, ate lunch in groups. Even the so-called "outcasts". No, I was the only true loner at my school, everyone else is so fake compared to me it sickens me. See, it's an ego fix to call yourself an "outsider", "rebel", "loner", "misfit", etc. but very very very few of those self-labeled "individuals" (term used loosely) actually are deservant of having such a yoke placed around their heads.

> I hate the world. I hate women. Both have abandoned me.

> Blah, Im a Four.

> -Cory

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