Posted by fwrchild on May 31, 2000 at 20:39:15:
In Reply to: THANK GOODNESS someone can help me! posted by Katie on May 31, 2000 at 18:24:03:
> -Right now Texanna is in the semi-relationship with Joe. Joe (an 8) may not necessarily call for a week or two on end. When he doesn't call shes is in the absolute worst mood ever. She calls my sister and I lazy brats, shes yells and is in a general bad mood. When Joe does call she's nice and liveable in general. What do I do? Am I doing something wrong here?
I don't think that it is really you, I think it is her in the respect that she doesn't want to have to face up to her own true feelings of fear regarding "not being loved", hence, she takes it out on whoever is there, making it their problem and not hers. At least that is what I am getting from it.
> -Also, when Joe does call Tex and they have a fight, guess who hears about it? One minute shes depressed cause of whatever he did and the next minute shes furious. However, she won't confront Joe about what's bothering her. My sister and I say to confront him and that any reasonable person would confront the guy since she deserves to be treated better. Or she at least deserves an explanation for what happened. We've tried to talk to her but it doesn't work. All I want is for her to take care of her feelings and not take them out on my sister and I. What do I do?
Confrontation is not a specialty for 2's. That means that we have to be responsible for how we feel, and to further it, being confrontatious means that things are going to usually change, and that scares us to death. Not sure what to tell you about this really. It comes down to one of those questions: Who counsels the counselor? I will say that approaching her in a confrontatious manner won't help at all, because that adds to the fear. See if you maybe can just sit and talk to her without getting angry or upset, or at least try not to show it to her. Talking is a good thing, but when the people that we talk to aren't really listening, then what's the point? Ya know? I am not saying this is you at all, but maybe she is perceiving you that way. Again, just an opinion.
> -There are a few other things that bother me but don't really affect me. For example, the endless jealousy she feels whenever she hears about ever talking about another girl and not if its someone she flirted with but if he just spoke briefly with a female (where there was no flirting or anything involved).
Ok..this is her insecurity playing out here, her fear of being left alone and unloved. There is nothing really that you can do to help that, other than feed her with positive information about herself. Tell her that she is a wonderful person and that she should love herself more, and try not to rely on other people to make her feel that love. It is ALOT easier said that done. This is a self esteem issue. Not an easy one.
> Thanx for listening since I'm fed up with Texanna and Joe,
> Katie
No problem. I don't know if I helped any at all really. I suppose the main thing that I would tell you is this: Try to be helpful with the listening part, really listen when you can. That is what a two really wants, to be heard. You don't have to agree with them, just when you are listening to them, try to give them your full attention, and try not to give your opinions right up front. Another thing for you: Don't sweat the small stuff:-) I know it's hard to do as well, but Texanna and Joe are on their own life path, and perhaps it would be better for you to try to put their problems aside some of the time and stick to what you want and believe, your path. ;0) I know that you want to help them, but sometimes people have to work out their own problems... hard to see I know, but sometimes that's how life is. I wish you the best of luck with this one. :-)
~Anna