Re: Emotional honesty & E1s

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Posted by friend-of-a-friend on August 25, 1998 at 14:09:28:

In Reply to: Emotional honesty & E1s posted by Christy on August 25, 1998 at 09:05:37:

: "kind of denied reality and the seriousness or her situation because it didn't fit into her version of reality."

: This message was posted on the movie board about Ruth (she was perceived to be a 1w9) on Titanic. Whether or not Ruth is a 1w9, this struck a chord in me about my mother. I keep beating my head against a wall to get her to confront simple truths about people in general (emotional issues), and cannot get anything out of that woman. When I press her - she gives me the "You must hate me" routine. (1w2?) How do you get emotional honesty from a 1? Geenius?

If can catch my mother (also a 1w2) when she's a) well-rested,
b) feeling better that usual, and c) showing any interest in me
or my interests, I take the opportunity to engage her. Once
I have her attention, it can be very difficult to get her
to see my point. More often than not, rather than completely
agree with me, she will say something like, "My, you've
developed such insight in the last few years." At that point,
I tell myself to take the money and run. It's clear to me
that this is the best she can do for me. I will never be right
in her eyes; but a generalized statement of my progress
can feel like a real prize.
Well, sometimes. It can also feel like I've been cheated.
She'll get so close to acceptance, so close to understanding
what it is I'm trying to express, then the door slams shut tight.
Until she opens that door and peeks out, I will always sense
her rebuking me.
Because my mother is an ESFJ, the feeling component
of her nature can and does help us connect. It is when we
try to come up with solutions, or find the right answer, that
we clash. If I keep the conversation in the gray areas, and
attempt to show her the limitless possibilities of something,
she usually responds more openly.
I don't know if this helps or hinders, but I wish you
much luck as you work to improve your relationship with
your mother.

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: : "kind of denied reality and the seriousness or her situation because it didn't fit into her version of reality." : : This message was posted on the movie board about Ruth (she was perceived to be a 1w9) on Titanic. Whether or not Ruth is a 1w9, this struck a chord in me about my mother. I keep beating my head against a wall to get her to confront simple truths about people in general (emotional issues), and cannot get anything out of that woman. When I press her - she gives me the "You must hate me" routine. (1w2?) How do you get emotional honesty from a 1? Geenius? : : If can catch my mother (also a 1w2) when she's a) well-rested, : b) feeling better that usual, and c) showing any interest in me : or my interests, I take the opportunity to engage her. Once : I have her attention, it can be very difficult to get her : to see my point. More often than not, rather than completely : agree with me, she will say something like, "My, you've : developed such insight in the last few years." At that point, : I tell myself to take the money and run. It's clear to me : that this is the best she can do for me. I will never be right : in her eyes; but a generalized statement of my progress : can feel like a real prize. : Well, sometimes. It can also feel like I've been cheated. : She'll get so close to acceptance, so close to understanding : what it is I'm trying to express, then the door slams shut tight. : Until she opens that door and peeks out, I will always sense : her rebuking me. : Because my mother is an ESFJ, the feeling component : of her nature can and does help us connect. It is when we : try to come up with solutions, or find the right answer, that : we clash. If I keep the conversation in the gray areas, and : attempt to show her the limitless possibilities of something, : she usually responds more openly. : I don't know if this helps or hinders, but I wish you : much luck as you work to improve your relationship with : your mother.

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