Posted by Hal on September 29, 1998 at 11:20:27:
In Reply to: Questions.......Hal? posted by Christy on September 28, 1998 at 12:06:42:
: Hal,
: I've been thinking a lot about "integrating" to 1 and am confused as to how this actually happens. Does this mean "becoming" a 1 or taking on 1 traits with a 4 mindset. I've noticed that I tend to get preoccupied with responsibility, standards, ethics, being disciplined, etc. to the point where I'm coming up head to head with my husband (8) and fighting about it. The excesses that he loves drives me crazy and I'm sure the tight control over my life is driving him batty as well. It almost seems like I'm becoming more an 8 the stronger I get - but it isn't, its more like the righteous anger of a 1. I was kind of concerned that I had mistyped myself and maybe a was a 5 going to 8, but I really don't think that's the case and took the RHETI over today and scored:
: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
: 21 13 14 21 18 20 6 14 17
: So, I was wondering what your experience is like when you see yourself moving towards 1. Another quest of mine in the near future is figuring out how to work with my imagination and use it to my profit instead of demise. Any ideas?
: Also, how to work on point 7 and bring the score up a bit. Kronus, any ideas? I know I need to lighten up, but something a little more constructive would help.
: Thanks guys.
Wow, Christy, my scores on the RHETI are almost identical to yours. I'm a bit lower on point 6, but I'm also very high in 1 and low in 7.
I've also had some trouble understanding what it means to integrate to 1, probably for the same reasons you do. I too posess many 1 traits, and not just the good ones--I can be very perfectionistic, picky, critical, rigid, and demand that everything be just so. I always wondered why I should want to move to 1 if it meant demonstrating these traits.
We've had some discussion about this on this board before (there are probably some older messages below somewhere) so here's how I understand a 4 integrating to 1:
First, integrating does not mean abandoning your type, or "becoming" a different type. We all posess traits of every type, which means that we are able to use the strengths of those other types, but also have some of their fears. In our case, it means that we have the capacity for the wisdom and objectivity of a 1, but can also become angry when things don't go as planned.
The "point of integration" is also sometimes called the "security point", which means that we naturally move there when we are feeling good and secure. For us, it means that when things are going well, we tend to be less introverted and self-absorbed, less focused on our negative feelings and what we feel is missing in our lives. The challenge then, and a path to personal growth, is to move towards our security poing (integrate) when we're under stress.
As I see it, the main part of moving to 1 is becoming more objective. As 4's, we often get so wrapped up in our feelings and hurt that we see other people as being against us; the world as having withheld somthing vital from our nature; and we get depressed, and our self-esteem can drop through the floor. I don't feel like I'm exlaining this very well, but I think you can get the idea. Moving to 1 in these situations means seeing things as they are, and not as we wish they could be. It means detaching from our feelings in the moment, and stepping back to see where the feelings are coming from and why they seem so overpowering; and then having the ability to do something about it instead of wallowing in depression and self-pity.
When I try this, there is always a fear associated with that detachment from emotion. I lived in a detached, cold, emotionless state for many years, and I'm always afraid that if I "turn it off", it won't come back on again--I'm afraid of being out of touch. The paradox here is that when we are so caught up in the moment (and caught up in ourselves), we're really not feeling the depth and connections that we're ultimately looking for. By detaching, we open ourselves up to things that completely passed us by because we've been blinded to them by focusing on our inner pain. It is by detaching that we can stay in touch.
Another aspect of moving towards 1 is that of action--taking action rather than just thinking or dreaming about it. I do more than my share of daydreaming and imagining a perfect future, but I know it won't come to me by itself. No one can just drift into the life they want, no matter how strong the dreams. Moving to 1 means taking the initiative and doing the things we know we need to do, even when we don't feel like it. It means acting now instead of waiting until the mood is right.
As for bringing up the 7 score, that's another one I've had trouble with. I have been overly rigid, and often continue to be. Part of what holds me back is a fear of uncertainty, which keeps me from new experiences even though I think I would really like them--the fear keeps me from action. The only other thing that helped me is a) getting sick of being so damn picky all the time, and b) being more objective and seeing how stupid many of my little habits are. At first, I had a terrible backlash against many of these small habits, and I forced myself to stop some of them. After a while, I just accepted them again, and decided it wasn't so bad either way--whether I did them or not. I'm still not sure which is best, or if I've made any progress on it at all.
I'd also like to hear what Kronus has to say about how to become more 7-ish, and how it feels to be a 7.
I hope some of this helps. Keep posting the great questions (and answers!)
- Hal -