Posted by Emily on August 27, 1998 at 20:34:54:
In Reply to: Re: Emotional honesty & E1s posted by Christy on August 27, 1998 at 10:05:11:
: : : Ex. Last summer my teenage brother was preparing for first year of college. He ended up dumping on me (screaming, cussing, hitting things, etc.) I ended up taking my 3 y.o. and leaving the house. THroughout all this my mother watched and did nothing except tell me when I left the house that I obviously did not care or love anyone in my family (because I was leaving the scene).
: : : By leaving and saying calmly that I was not going to partake in this (it wasn't an argument), I rocked the boat and was not spoken to by anyone in my family for 9 months. 9. During this time I receved many letters saying that it was my fault, I had no business being there, I was infringing on their space, a list of everything bad I've ever done in my life, etc. etc. etc.
: : It sounds to me like your problem is that your mother is fucked up, not
: : that she's a One.
: Hit that one right on the head didn't you! 8 hubbie pretty much sums it just like you did and doesn't associate with them. Too bad I can't be as objective. Most of the time I end up internalizing all of it instead of being rightfully angry which leads to my unhealth.
Christy
As an NF and a four I have diffuculty remembering that my mom is a seperate person and that I can't make her into someone I wish she could be. Really the only person I truly have control over is me. Now in your situation you have a choice. If you believe you can salvage some sort of positive relationship with your family (your mother in particular) then go ahead and do it. But also there is nothing worse than having a toxic relationship with someone who you can't seem to get through to. It's really up to you. It seems to me something inside you is trying to come out and it's time to deal with it, right or wrong. I have personal experience with this, my mom is a 1w2 also. (can you tell?)
Just remember that it isn't your fault. It's just that your mom has some pretty deep issues. It's not up to you to try to help her. She has to want to help herself.(cliche)
I hope I gave you a little insight on this matter. Believe me, you are not the only one.
Emily