|
Enneagram Main Board Archive Re: Emotional honesty & E1sPosted by Hal on August 31, 1998 at 08:06:57: In Reply to: Re: Emotional honesty & E1s posted by Ann on August 30, 1998 at 14:03:12: : Hal and Christy, : I'm 15, and I'm having a similar relationship with my mother as both of you described with your parents. The difference is, I can't get out. My mother is always there, looking over my shoulder, speaking loudly, worrying continuously, prying, always trying to control, and, ultimately, steadfastly believing that she is RIGHT. There is also a lack of recognition for the emotions of others (the rest of her family). I'm not positive she is a one, both of her daughters are 4's (myself and my sister, who is 25). My sister also experienced all of these problems. She is still financially dependant on the family and so finds it impossible to break away herself. Her health also suffers in the house that seems so overwhelmed with negative energy from my mother. What can I do? Ann, This is almost exactly what I went through when I was in high school. My mother was constantly nagging me to do my homework, clean my room, take care of... and so on; things I knew perfectly well. And it drove me nuts and made me very angry. There is no way for you to make your mother really understand you emotionally. It seems that many people are just not capable of understanding 4's, or anyone different from themselves, for that matter. But what you can do is ask her to change her behavior. It's not always easy, though, since it requires being able to detach yourself from your hurt and angry feelings in the moment, and be more objective with her; this is the only way she will understand. When your mother starts acting this way towards you, try to calmly ask her to "Please stop doing ________. I know how to do it and it annoys me when you keep reminding me." Or something to that effect--put it in your own words for your own situation. For me, it was always my mother telling me I had to do things (which I already knew I had to do) or telling me exactly HOW to do them (which I could also figure out.) It took me a long time to ask her to stop (long after high school) and once I did, it at least started to open some lines of communication and allowed our relationship to improve. There's no guarantee of course, but this is the best way I have found to deal with this. BTW, my mother is a 2w3, obviously with a strong manipulative side. My father is a 1, but he's another story, and a very unsuccessful one for me... - Hal -
|
|