Re: Parents

Posted by janis on March 31, 2001 at 13:40:01:

In Reply to: Parents posted by Elizabeth on March 29, 2001 at 00:54:33:

my dad 8w7
my mom 6w5

they had the best of intentions, but really sucked as parents. they were better than some, though. i guess i can't complain tooo much.

they did hurt us kids a lot emotionally. they punished us a lot, even though we were pretty much angels. and didn't believe us if we said we were hurting emotionally. and even though we were all very bright and caught on quite fast to everything(luckily for us), there were times when we would make a few mistakes when learning to do something, and then were made to feel stupid, and useless. "mistakes are Not acceptable" lots of yelling and disgust at our performance. Also they seemed to delight in picking the one sore spot any of us had, and stepping on it. then if we got upset, they would just laugh and ask why we didn't have more of a sense of humour. this was not only me, the sensitive four, but also my sister the 8, a tough tomboy.

i've been working on getting along with them for a bit. i've made a lot of progress with my dad, and slowly, the relationship with my mom is improving a lot too. its nice.

i will illustrate:
my dad recently, upon noticing that i had gained 5 pounds(seriously, i have always been a size 6, and this was the first time i ever gained weight) sat me down and gave me a little lecture. he told me concernedly that i was getting fat, and helpfully informed me that if i got any fatter, no one would be attracted to me. (to be fair, he had always told me i was pretty, before this)

when i lost the 5 pounds, he said "your not as pudgy wudgy as last time i saw you," this was his idea of a supportive compliment. it's about as pure a compliment as he gives. he doesn't believe in being too "gushy".

when i was younger, i probably would have been crushed, and focused on these comments, and been all depressed and hurt.

this time, i was actually just amused. then i changed the subject, and started joking around. he's so much fun when you joke around with him.
and he has no clue that what he said was not completely nice and supportive. he prides himself on being completely honest and blunt, and saying the truth even though it hurts. i try to suggest in a joking manner that some of his comments are not as sensitive, i don't know if he's getting the message, but i try...

relationship with my mom is a lot more complicated. but it's getting much nicer.

i'm terrified of having kids. my parents are nice christian people, and they hurt us so much anyway. i'm scared that despite my best intentions, i will follow the patterns they set unconsciously. even though i really got over it quite well, i don't want my kids to go through that. cause i still have echos of some mean comments in my head when i get in a down mood. they are hard to shake...

janis (4w3)

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