Posted by Daniel on January 23, 2002 at 07:50:50:
Hello out there, I have some meditative issues that are pretty interesting and complicated, too. Usually I know meditation as getting into clarity, calming myself down and finding strength in something like simplicity. I also think this as a way to find Seth's paradise. I recognize the shine on things and the way this is so "ice-old". It is like getting in contact with something that both is wild and also hides in wildness. It's like finding to something that is somewhat rough ... and until I refine my senses and accomplish getting through barries it remains that way in my perception. This is a state where I usually remain in, it's like being allowed to play only with a little wood and a little stone because anything else is too complicated and in some philosophic sense not necessary to get in touch with until the refinement is done and oneself feels being ready to get in harmony with.
But, earlier in my life, I wasn't in good touch with my imagination ... I had problems giving itself a place in my mind, it was as if it overthrew my sense of whose quality in the latter time I got more convinced, or, in other terms, was led into. I'm in the moment learning to somehow master my imagination as a tool ... it's something that needs to be shielded away, both of desires and of force, so that it's becoming something that can be laid back on the table. If something can be laid back on the table then it's overcome ... at least that's a way how to handle it. As an impression about that ... lately I received pictures of persons, pictures of situations that somehow were given to me because I should think about it, should learn from it. It is strange ... it's like a replacement for actual conversation, for conversation that never happened in real life. Sometimes I think it's like a quick course in which I was led into to either relearn what I had missed or rather overcome it and somehow come undone. (I'm not so sure how far I am up to date or how far you are up to date!).
Now comes the interesting thing ... in the late time I found myself receiving actual thoughts. Also, the images sometimes got gruesome. And in all of these images I found myself spared. Any picture of me I found I was almost unable to recognize as me. Sometimes it felt like art or comedy ... but it had a deeper sense. Same goes for reality ... it somehow overlaps. Just for instance ... I ponder about biblical stuff, and really sink into that stuff, and then some woman comes into my room with the name Sophia and says "Just visions". What is earnesty in that matter? I feel a pressure that tells me that I'm close to the core of something. I feel like someone who's allowed to see something. That's only something. Does it matter to someone? Does SOMEONE take me earnest?
The other stuff ... it's about receiving thoughts that seemingly come from actual persons. Thoughts that are sometimes rather profane, like a "fuck you", or a "goodbye", or a "pray", or a "cry", or a "perform", or a "play" and so much more of that. I don't know a way how to respond there ... if I respond which is mostly not done quickly then the original trace is over and my answer gets somewhere else and somehow produces another thought. So I rather see all of these thoughts as parts of a latter ... someone can climb these ladders to get somewhere, and I did so, but like a mountain climber that is using a rope to secure himself. I don't know if I can transmit the earnesty of these issues ... perhaps they're not important, but sometimes it's like sensing what is like flames for others. That's why I write about it, at least that's a reason.
Does someone know these issues and experiences them on themself? Ever felt like having too much different thoughts? I'm getting out of that, but it's like a loop into which I can get into again when I want. Don't have so much other stuff to do right now, and it helps refining the mind, and along the way lot's of interesting stuff can be found.
PS
That's been the stuff I've been doing since the beginning of decembre, but I got more and more conscious of it over the times.