Posted by Excalibur on January 29, 2002 at 22:16:17:
In Reply to: always running away from my emotions posted by SL on January 29, 2002 at 16:52:51:
> They are all packed up and dense inside me. It hurts me and is scary to let them out. But I want to! I want them to be discharged so that I can function. I am afraid of losing control and that's why I can't let them out. When I try they come out so strong. I just want balance.
> And because I don't let them out when I should, they interfere with everthing else I want to do. Simple tasks become burdens that I just cant get to because of the emotional weight attched.
> How do I do it? How do I be more free with myself?
over the last couple of years i've had little or no means of releasing internal emotions other than this board (which helps only on a minor scale). one of my good friends (a Seven) is hell when it comes to sharing emotions with, so i chose not to burden him with things he cannot deal with as easily as me. on the other hand, i've learnt from him that these simple tasks you mention really are just simple tasks that shouldn't require any excess emotional effort that we Fours seem to throw upon ourselves.
emotions have their place in society, but it's difficult to find them in this world. i find when a crack is formed across my emotional wall, it won't take long before everything falls apart and my emotions are poured out. this usually frightens people and scares them away, and causes me to build a stronger wall to be more in control with myself. as you have implied, this is the most difficult of things to handle, to control our emotions yet let them be seen at the same time. in effect, i am viewed as a detatched, emotionally sterile person by those who don't know me deeply, because my wall is too thick these days.
i can't be much help, because i'm in the same situation as you. but i think it has a lot to do with the people around you and how they'll accept you. if you're ever able to take the wall down, you can be comfortable in knowing that people who accept you are accepting the real you. an average to healthy four usually knows who they are, the next step is to show that to the rest of the world.
Ex