[ Boards: Main, Type4, Movie, Care, Chat ][ [ HOME ]

Re: These are always interesting

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Enneagram Message Board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by KJ Always (209.214.13.23) on May 01, 2002 at 14:18:07:

In Reply to: Re: These are always interesting posted by DEECEE (64.12.107.39) on April 30, 2002 at 14:34:59:

I agree. I believe other people and situations confirms our parents or guardian's messages to be true.

Others: I felt like I was not good enough because everything I do, my mother criticized me as if nothing I do matters. When I look at art contests, I never felt like my art form matters or good enough because they did not include cartoons in their catagory, and I did not think I was good enough to fit in the other catagories. Sure I am good at a lot of things with lots of creative talents, but I don't feel confident that I am good enough to persue things on a serious level because I am not "good enough", which has been programmed in my mind from my mother, especially when I washed the dishes and did not wipe off the stove, so she always told me that I half way washed the dishes because the stove was not cleaned off.

When I attempted to do commercial art (I hate it), I never felt good enough in that course. I really did not care! Ha, ha, ha.

Mother: She only told me to wash the dishes and did not mentioned the stove, so I did not think to wipe the stove. I never understood why she criticized my skills in washing the dishes because I did not clean the stove.

She continues to give those messages by showing me through her actions and reactions that my Sexual: one on one and Social focus on life does not matter in her Self-perservationist mind. Comparing to others, I am not good enough to be praised and there is nothing special about me. She would do anything for me and would help me when I need her, but I will never be special in her eyes. I am beginning to accept that. If I alter who I am, I probably have her praise and adoration based on my image that I portray but I won't do that because that won't be real genuine love and it would be based on illusion that is not real. She loves me but don't like me. She is a good person to be a self-perservationist (a survival genuis that amazes me when I think about it!).

Father: He gave me that the message that I am not good enough as I am. He wanted me to straighten out my naturally curly hair. He did not approve of my former marriage. I got the message that my lack of finances is not good enough either because he praised my sister who is married to a millionaire financial professional on Wall Street. My sister gives me the message that I am not good enough for her because I represent the things that destroyed her parents marriage. I did not tell our dad to sleep with my mother and make me born.

I know this is personal stuff, which is not something I normally would post on a website, but I wanted to share with you that others can be confirmations of that message by giving you the same messages. Even my bosses gave me the same message that I am good but not good enough! Think about it, the messages that your parents or guardians have given you, do you receive the same messages from other people and situations? I agree with Riso and view the parents/guardians as the original source of those messages and other people and situations continue that message by confirming them.

It is up to us to discover that those messages are not true, which is what I am working on now. I have learned that I am good enough to make A in Speech Communications to my surprise since I had a speech inpairment problems during my whole childhood. I made A in computer classes and did well in the creative stuff and the presentation. I will never forget the spark in my teacher's eyes because I managed to give the best Power Point presentation out of her two classes. We can change those messages by doing things that we love and that validates us. I would love to hear you guys experiences too and how those messages are effecting you all too?

I found Speech Communications to be one of my passions (for years I always wanted to take that course but never felt good enough to do it because of my speech difficulties in childhood). I hope to do seminars on the Enneagram someday! My major in Human Services confirm the messages of my parents because it is not for me nor I can relate to my classmates self-perservationists minds. I relate best with the girl who was a 4.0 student who did not like our major either.

Everything is fine when I did not go against anything they say or want! People, if they truly love you, they will accept you as you are and would respect your boundaries and individuality, even if they don't like your Instinctual Variant or Subtype. If you have to repress your individuality in ought to be love and paid attention to, you will discover that it is not worth it in the long run!

How would you translate my unconscience childhood message to Riso's list? The message of "you are good but not good enough". Your feelings and thoughts are nonsense (in the eyes of self-perservationists). I am artistic and creative. I am cheerful and friendly. I like everybody, especially if they are nice to me. My mother always fear I am don't have enough good sense and people will hurt me. Okay, you know more about me now than most people. ha, ha, ha. I guess, I am beginning feel like you are one of my abstract family of friends. Plus, I welcome your insight! I use stories as a way to illustrate my point, like a verbal painting.

KJ Always

PS - You can see I love to write and communicate. I am more open online than what is obvious in person.

***************************************************************************

> > S' POPPYCOCK

>
> Riso says that our Unconscious Childhood Message is what we percieved from our parents growing up.

> > Unconscious Childhood Messages

> > Type One: It's not ok to make mistakes.
> > Type Two: It's not ok to have your own needs.
> > Type Three: It's not ok to have your own feelings and identity.
> > Type Four: It's not ok to be too functional or too happy.
> > Type Five: It's not ok to be comfortable in the world.
> > Type Six: It's not ok to trust yourself.
> > Type Seven: It's not ok to depend on anyone for anything.
> > Type Eight: It's not ok to be vulnerable or to trust anyone.
> > Type Nine: It's not ok to assert yourself.

> > And then there are the Lost Childhood Messages for each type, that we do not hear as children, that Riso thinks becomes the central issue in our lives. We want to hear these things more than anything else. When someone we know says our particular message, either directly or indirectly, we feel very close to them but don't know why.

> > Lost Childhood Messages

> > Type One: You are good.
> > Type Two: You are wanted.
> > Type Three: You are loved for yourself.
> > Type Four: You are seen for who you are.
> > Type Five: Your needs are not a problem.
> > Type Six: You are safe.
> > Type Seven: You will be taken care of.
> > Type Eight: You will not be betrayed.
> > Type Nine: Your presence matters.

> > -Emily

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:
> I agree. I believe other people and situations confirms our parents or guardian's messages to be true. > Others: I felt like I was not good enough because everything I do, my mother criticized me as if nothing I do matters. When I look at art contests, I never felt like my art form matters or good enough because they did not include cartoons in their catagory, and I did not think I was good enough to fit in the other catagories. Sure I am good at a lot of things with lots of creative talents, but I don't feel confident that I am good enough to persue things on a serious level because I am not "good enough", which has been programmed in my mind from my mother, especially when I washed the dishes and did not wipe off the stove, so she always told me that I half way washed the dishes because the stove was not cleaned off. > When I attempted to do commercial art (I hate it), I never felt good enough in that course. I really did not care! Ha, ha, ha. > Mother: She only told me to wash the dishes and did not mentioned the stove, so I did not think to wipe the stove. I never understood why she criticized my skills in washing the dishes because I did not clean the stove. > She continues to give those messages by showing me through her actions and reactions that my Sexual: one on one and Social focus on life does not matter in her Self-perservationist mind. Comparing to others, I am not good enough to be praised and there is nothing special about me. She would do anything for me and would help me when I need her, but I will never be special in her eyes. I am beginning to accept that. If I alter who I am, I probably have her praise and adoration based on my image that I portray but I won't do that because that won't be real genuine love and it would be based on illusion that is not real. She loves me but don't like me. She is a good person to be a self-perservationist (a survival genuis that amazes me when I think about it!). > Father: He gave me that the message that I am not good enough as I am. He wanted me to straighten out my naturally curly hair. He did not approve of my former marriage. I got the message that my lack of finances is not good enough either because he praised my sister who is married to a millionaire financial professional on Wall Street. My sister gives me the message that I am not good enough for her because I represent the things that destroyed her parents marriage. I did not tell our dad to sleep with my mother and make me born. > I know this is personal stuff, which is not something I normally would post on a website, but I wanted to share with you that others can be confirmations of that message by giving you the same messages. Even my bosses gave me the same message that I am good but not good enough! Think about it, the messages that your parents or guardians have given you, do you receive the same messages from other people and situations? I agree with Riso and view the parents/guardians as the original source of those messages and other people and situations continue that message by confirming them. > It is up to us to discover that those messages are not true, which is what I am working on now. I have learned that I am good enough to make A in Speech Communications to my surprise since I had a speech inpairment problems during my whole childhood. I made A in computer classes and did well in the creative stuff and the presentation. I will never forget the spark in my teacher's eyes because I managed to give the best Power Point presentation out of her two classes. We can change those messages by doing things that we love and that validates us. I would love to hear you guys experiences too and how those messages are effecting you all too? > I found Speech Communications to be one of my passions (for years I always wanted to take that course but never felt good enough to do it because of my speech difficulties in childhood). I hope to do seminars on the Enneagram someday! My major in Human Services confirm the messages of my parents because it is not for me nor I can relate to my classmates self-perservationists minds. I relate best with the girl who was a 4.0 student who did not like our major either. > Everything is fine when I did not go against anything they say or want! People, if they truly love you, they will accept you as you are and would respect your boundaries and individuality, even if they don't like your Instinctual Variant or Subtype. If you have to repress your individuality in ought to be love and paid attention to, you will discover that it is not worth it in the long run! > How would you translate my unconscience childhood message to Riso's list? The message of "you are good but not good enough". Your feelings and thoughts are nonsense (in the eyes of self-perservationists). I am artistic and creative. I am cheerful and friendly. I like everybody, especially if they are nice to me. My mother always fear I am don't have enough good sense and people will hurt me. Okay, you know more about me now than most people. ha, ha, ha. I guess, I am beginning feel like you are one of my abstract family of friends. Plus, I welcome your insight! I use stories as a way to illustrate my point, like a verbal painting. > KJ Always > PS - You can see I love to write and communicate. I am more open online than what is obvious in person. > *************************************************************************** > > > > S' POPPYCOCK > > > > Riso says that our Unconscious Childhood Message is what we percieved from our parents growing up. > > > Unconscious Childhood Messages > > > Type One: It's not ok to make mistakes. > > > Type Two: It's not ok to have your own needs. > > > Type Three: It's not ok to have your own feelings and identity. > > > Type Four: It's not ok to be too functional or too happy. > > > Type Five: It's not ok to be comfortable in the world. > > > Type Six: It's not ok to trust yourself. > > > Type Seven: It's not ok to depend on anyone for anything. > > > Type Eight: It's not ok to be vulnerable or to trust anyone. > > > Type Nine: It's not ok to assert yourself. > > > And then there are the Lost Childhood Messages for each type, that we do not hear as children, that Riso thinks becomes the central issue in our lives. We want to hear these things more than anything else. When someone we know says our particular message, either directly or indirectly, we feel very close to them but don't know why. > > > Lost Childhood Messages > > > Type One: You are good. > > > Type Two: You are wanted. > > > Type Three: You are loved for yourself. > > > Type Four: You are seen for who you are. > > > Type Five: Your needs are not a problem. > > > Type Six: You are safe. > > > Type Seven: You will be taken care of. > > > Type Eight: You will not be betrayed. > > > Type Nine: Your presence matters. > > > -Emily

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Enneagram Message Board ] [ FAQ ]