Posted by KJ Always (209.214.13.23) on May 01, 2002 at 14:47:15:
In Reply to: Re: Two can be very altruistic and loving when they are healthy!!! posted by Bartholomew (63.214.83.187) on April 30, 2002 at 20:39:21:
I did not appreciate you saying healthy or balanced 2 are not altruistic, which cause me to think their humanitarian efforts are not worth anything. I am very upset and hurt by a 2 that was close to me because her going to her stress point of 8 woke me up to the reality that I can't trust this woman with my heart and the face the horrible reality of who she really is. I hurt me so much, but I still appreciate the good that they contribute in our world.
I wish I knew how to appear as loving as they are and as loving as some really are and altruistically gave themselves to help others. I have cried in the past because I feel my love is not enough comparing to what I have seen these people do, even if it is giving to get or altruistic. I wish I knew how to go to foreign countries and take those malnourished children into my arms and make them feel loved and special like a 2 does. I have to go because it makes me sad because I don't think I am like that.
I feel bad that I am not longer friends with this 2 who have made me feel loved and special for years. I can't idealize her and confirm her goodness anymore, and I know she will be angry with me because I can't. I don't want to face that 8 monster in her again, ever! I want her to know that I love her though I am so disappointed in her and her behavior. I told her to volunteer to get her needs to feel loved and appreciated, but I saw her shamelessly flirt with men that isn't not her husband and then turned mean towards me. I was special to her when everybody rejected her invitation to her party and I was there, but when these three drinking men came arrived to the party, she was the center of attention in a way I never seen her behave. I don't want to see her anymore because I know I can't trust her love for me anymore. I am sad over another loss. My dad died last November and another friend crossed over on Easter.
Warning: Be careful when you question a 2 goodness and image of being loving when they are at their stress point at 8. It is a nightmare for me to see such a loving creature turn into a irrational overly emotional demon!!! I realized that she probably felt unloved when all those people did not show up. They made 20 bags of toys and only one child show up for the party. She purchased a lot of food and expecting all of these people to show up and they don't. I guess, they did not validate her goodness and validate that she is loved by them. I realized that she does not love herself enough to nurture to appreciate those who were loyal to her that came to the party. Now, she lost me because of it. Her manipulating loving charm does not work on me anymore because my eyes are open and sad.
I am still cheerful, but sad when it comes to her. I nurturing myself and my personal growth. Do you have any advice in dealing with 2 from personal experience? How do you validate that they are good and loving when you end a friendship based on what they see as "bad" in my mind. She sees things in terms of "good or bad and right or wrong". I wish I knew how to help her more, but I feel my efforts are not good enough because she became very imbalanced that day of her picnic birthday party. She needs to do those things that will validate her genuine and find fulfillment, like Princess Diana did with those children. My former friend has a gift of making people feel loved and special no matter who they are.
KJ Always
PS- I will miss the attention and affection! She gave me the message that I am special and that I matter, which is what I wish to receive from my mother. I understand that she does not know how and she loved me in her own self-perservationsist way. I am wise to know now that I am incompatible to SP men. ha, ha, ha.
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> There is no such thing as a truly healthy person of any type. When someone has a type, that means that they are ruled by a particular motivation more than they are ruled by the other motivations. We English-speakers have a word for this kind of thing: "unbalanced."
> Biases are bad. They make people make bad decisions. Type 1, for instance, is biased towards not considering whether the views they are championing are correct. Type 2 is biased towards seeing everything in terms of receiving love, and not considering things that are often more important. Type 3 is biased towards achieving success, with little regard for things such as morals. And so on.
> A truly psychologically healthy person would weigh every motivation in making every decision, with no bias to a particular motivation.
> The healthier someone is, the less bound to a type they are.
>
> Now, what the hell are you saying about the "healthy type 2 motivation"? Are you implying that the type motivations somehow change? The type 2 motivation is receiving love, not giving it. They give love IN ORDER TO receive love. Each type consists of exactly one motivation--no more, no less.
>
> By the way, I don't appreciate your implying that I am intellectually inobjective.