Posted by Kate on December 28, 1998 at 22:27:47:
I have been reading and reflecting on the enneagram for about 2 years years now. I am fascinated by it and have always enjoyed self-analysis to a fault. I am almost sure I am a 4 with a strong 5 wing but show some 1 and
6 tendencies too (mainly 6 being I have had anxiety all my life) I was also excited because it was the first personality type test that my husband of nearly 29 years fit into-he is for sure a 9.
At first I thought understanding the enneagram would be a great help to our rollarcoaster relationship of 30 years. My intense emotions and his calmness and at times apathy has been quite a mix. He shows some interest in the enneagram but only from what I tell him-he believes he is 9 because I told him so and now when anything goes wrong he says "well, I'm just a 9" -no thought that the enneagram can be a tool for change. No exploring it-he just believes everything I tell him about lots of things-changes religions when I do etc etc. (and he is a highly educated person-just to clear the picture) Now I am beginning to think that the enneagram is causing more conflict than before! I read all the frustrations about people with 9's and was thinking "yes! yes! That's so true" and then get all accusing at him. The making a molehill out of a mountain especially bugs me because we have a teen who is going through some problems (he is probably a 6-tries to please eveyone-a real group person-yet loves time alone too) He-may be experimenting with pot and who know and my husband just doesn't want to see it. Me-I am all beserk thinking something awful is going to happen to him. This is just one example.
Then I get all self righteous and see my self as trying to change-trying to "do" rather that just feel and going to counselling , taking meds, reading self-help books, meditating -no one else in the family does any of this. "Poor Me" and i complain and gripe at his laxadazical Peter Pan dreamworld alot. Maybe I envy it--I do love him but we just fuss all the time-or rather I do-he just ignores my B****ing most the time and tells me its ok (its not). Help-I need some advice-maybe I should leave the enneagram alone for a while-or maybe it is the tool for mening our relationship. Don't worry about my feelings-I need some nitty gritty advice-I am sick of griping and know it doesn't help butt just keep exploding with 4 emotion,and now am spilling my guts to the whole world! Sigh!
thanks
KATE