Posted by Brian C. on December 29, 1998 at 00:03:18:
In Reply to: 4 and 9 dilemma and seeking device posted by Kate on December 28, 1998 at 22:27:47:
Kate, I am a Nine, INTJ. My late wife was either a very angry Three,
or a one. She was frustrated (by me amongst other things.) First,
I cannot help, only suggest. Second, I had a five year relationsip with a
four who found something missing in our relationship (Yeah, right.)
People do not change. REPEAT. People do not change. You will always
notice what could be (what's missing.) The Nine will go along up to a point,
but always lack passion. That's what a Nine is and does. They are passionate
about dispassion. Imagine that you are 4'11" and that he is 5'9". Try
changing heights. The only answer is acceptance and tolerance of differences.
If you love the Nine because he stabilizes you and promotes comfort. That is
as good as it gets. You could love an eight because he was intense only
to experience him as self absorbed. Bottom line. Tell hubby you love him,
but want intensity for both of you. Would he consider some joint couselling?
If you sense that it is a lost cause and you must have a passionate life, then
seek solo counselling. Bad thought: If you light his fire, he will be
attractive to others also. (Pandora's Box.) Show him this posting and ask for
his thoughts. I am sympathetic. Nines need to try more but intimates are
irked when we 'try' to be passionate. Go see Shakeseare in love. Notice
how it ends and how Romeo and Juliet ends. That is what the Nine notices.
Overwrought feelings, loss of control, everyone is upset. Good luck. And
try not to go to Two. Encourage the Nine to stay in his BODY (dance,
exercise, walking, biking, message, be creative but not manipulative.
Where is my remote and where are my nachos?