Posted by Christy on March 01, 1999 at 13:04:46:
In Reply to: Re: 3 wing taking control posted by Perciever on February 25, 1999 at 13:34:31:
> > I've had a major insight into myself lately that I wanted to share-
> > I've been using my 3 wing to consort socially - "acting" like the people I'm around. Example: I've been having problems with aggression and bitterness in dealing with my husband. This is because I have learned the hard way that I have to act as an eight to stand up to him. "But" this aggressive stance with him is interfering with my normal routine of getting emotional, then listening, and then finding growth. Instead, I end up feeling bitter and more pissed off. Hence, more rage. How to stop this now? I don't know yet. But to all the 4s on the board who I've told to stand up to the eights in their life - a word of warning about how far you go......
> * Its easy to get caught up in an 8's power lust. The thing is when it
> * comes down to the brass tacks an 8 will never give in. At least on a
> * man to man level. I don't know how it is for a woman to man. My
> * 4w3 ISFP female and 8w7 ENFP male (married, kids) friends have sex, lust,
> * and drama as visible themes in their relationship. That is the side of
> * their relationship they display to friends.
> * Domestically however she stays at home a lot and he goes off on adventures.
> * They are pretty happy this way.
> * Another couple 8w7 ESTJ female and 9w8 ISTP male got married at 19 and
> * had a stormy relationship. A lot of fighting. She used to punch him
> * in the balls for compliance. She respected him after he grabbed her by
> * the throat and threw her on the bed. PRetty crazy huh? They've been
> * married 9 years, with 3 kids.
> * I myself prefer 1's.
I find myself in the aggressive stance most of the time I'm with him. He loves to push my buttons. I would love to videotape the two of us in a communicative exchange/battle of wills sometime to see it from a third point of view so I can see what I'm doing wrong. He'd rather videotape us in bed. 8 versus 4. We've been married for 7 years. God help me.
Seriously, I'm probably over-dramatizing this - for as much stress as we've been through, we have a fairly healthy marriage. I tend to over-analyze the dirt to make sure it doesn't sneak up on me.