Posted by Hal on April 29, 1999 at 10:23:20:
In Reply to: Re: Sexual matter posted by Diarmuid on April 29, 1999 at 05:02:55:
> > Yes, we're on a lifelong search for our identity, but my 4-ish self-absorption, 2-ish pride, and 1-ish objectivity tells me that we 4's understand ourselves better than most other people. It may just be because something compels us to spend so much time and energy searching, but I really do feel that we're good at it. On the other hand, we are always changing, and there are times when I don't feel that I understand myself, and have serious doubts about everything I do and everything I am. So it's no wonder that most people find us hard to understand. I would just ask my friends to be patient with me, and I promise to do the same for them.
> > - Hal -
> Do you share my attraction to 8ish gals, or is that my own unique preference? Also, how can anybody know the egram for this long and NOT gain an understanding of fours. Most of the books and tapes describe us pretty well?
I never thought I did, but recently I've become attracted to a woman who's a 2 with a strong 8 side. 8-ish women usually turn me off with their cold, take-charge, it-has-to-be-done-my-way attitude. But with the one I'm attracted to now (we're just friends, but I hope to date her) it's really nice to have her take the lead, make decisions, and just take me along. Maybe it's because she does it in a caring way, or maybe it's decisive without being aggressive. Attraction is one of those things that's very difficult to explain. So all I can say is that 8-ish women don't usually appeal to me, but somehow this one does.
As for understanding 4's, just gaining knowledge of the enneagram doesn't seem to be enough. Most people on this board could spout off a long list of qualities that 4's exhibit, but it seems that our inner life and turmoil eludes them. Most people I meet find it hard to understand why things bother me the way they do, why I take so many things so personally, why I still feel a terrible longing and lonliness even when I'm surrounded by friends, etc. And even when I have friends that seem to understand, and say they understand, I still tend to feel that they don't see the whole picture that is me. It's probably a wrong assessment, but that's how it feels. I'm sure other 4's feel the same way.
- Hal -