Posted by Michelle on March 20, 1998 at 11:26:32:
In Reply to: Re: Am I 4 or 7?!!! posted by Bibi on February 11, 1998 at 13:17:32:
Dear Bib: I SURE CAN RELATE to you!! I am a female , 36, definite number 4. I have lived with both my 3 wing and my 5 wing more evident at different times.
I could really relate to your personality. I am an artist/singer/guitarist/composer/impersonator/teacher"..of course am VERY GIFTED" ..always have been!!! BUT I also feel very out of place in group settings (most of the time!) Although I can be very CHARMING, CHARASMATIC, and seem to be very OUTGOING (by many who "think they know me!) Funny but i was in show-biz where I HAD to live through my 3 wing and appear to be charming, charasmatic, funny, and dramatic on stage . I was actually VERY VERY GREAT at times (got excellent reviews from critics around the world) BUT...at other times I would turn the audience off by my self-sabotage and self-destructivess. I guess I couldnt hide it from the audience at times. Theres a part of me (the 4) that LOATHES PHONINESS!! And there I was being that way.
No matter how good my show biz OFFERS were I always suffered from horrendous SELF-DOUBT. I knew that my talent waas there but my PErSONALITY would always get in the way of my success...sabotaging me at every turn. I turned also to 'compulsions', many EXCESSES...food, alcohol, sex, lots of things to divert my attention from the fact that I felt i could never SUSTAIN my "unique" image! hah
I am so grateful to have found the ENNEAGRAM at age35 because now I see so clearly that I was in my UNHEALTHY 4 (and at times I know I still am). BUT..atleast I have the "tools" to help me OBSERVE it and possibly get out of it!! I hope so...I am very teachable these days and I actively attempt to go towards my 1 when I feel I am slipping into my unhealthy 4ness.
If ever youd like to chat I totally understand your desire to be around animals (I DO TOO!) I have a totally peaceful and spiritual feeling around them and love surrounding myself with "beauty" expecially things that I make! I guess it gives my life meaning and helps me not to focus on the UGLiness...
If anyone else would like to interact also I am looking to chat with other 4's ..thanks for listening and sharing!
MICHELLE