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Re: ... Re: PsuedoName
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Posted by Dave on June 28, 1999 at 07:10:27:
In Reply to: So, okay, I was a touch melodramatic... Re: PsuedoName posted by PseudoName on June 28, 1999 at 01:31:54:
> How did I feel as not-lost? Internally strong. Capable. I knew who I was and what my internal resources were.
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Nostalgia for the past and past sense of oneself is a very 4ish style. You never lose inner resources, but your identity can change and you can forget that you have them. > Now, even small stresses get to me, bother me. I doubt my ability to cope and to bounce back, I don't trust myself to defend 'me', or to move with any assurance in the world. Specifically, my ability to defend myself appropriately, both mentally/emotionally and physically, and a feeling of positive strength - knowing that I can rely on myself. WEAK! Unsure! Brittle! Vulnerable to hurt! Unable to defend myself, unable to cope appropriately. I tend lately to curl up into a ball and roll under the table, metaphorically speaking.
> How do I know I don't like it? It's humiliating, and takes away my sense of self.
> I know I sound infantile, however perhaps this is the time and the place. What would I like to see emerge? A stronger, more capable person. I feel very small, right now.
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Describe that stronger capable person. How does she feel in her body? How does she breath? WHat kind of posture does she have? What sensations does she have when she's feeling assured, strong, capable, decisive, and wise? Where are they in her body (or personal space)? How does she move(specifically not interpretively)? What kind of tone is her voice? What part of her body does that voice emanate from? Has there ever been a time when you felt like her? When? What did it feel like? Did youlike feeling like that? Was it good? Was it more a sense of you? If not, WHo? CAn you feel like her right now? If you could feel a little more like her, how would you do it (specifically)?
I have been delving into a lot of feelings that I now wish I had left well enough alone. I never thought I'd say this, but maybe ignorance is bliss. .
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Yeah, better to be a happy idiot and create a few tumors for yourself or accidents for others.
I do wish, I had more internal resources
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Like??????????????
> Does it reveal my identity?...... A part of me, not all of me. Both more complex and more vulnerable.
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Complexity often comes first in chaos, then a reorganization of that chaos into a higher order of self and being. The answers are often clear when you look ahead and see that self looking back at your present/past life, knowing that this is so in the future making it so in the present, so your future which is your present becomes your past and everything makes sense just enough to let it be with knowing and faith in the expectation of the emergence of the future as it has passes into you. Less able to protect myself because I see more of other people's pain. I have developed a conscience, rather late in life.
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Is there a way you may possibly protect yourself AND see other's people's pain? How might that go? Can one be empathetic rather than sympathetic? This is ALL weakness. If I were stronger, I wouldnt need to be here. I realize I sound pathetic, however... hmmm. Put away the kitchen knives. ---------------------------------------------
That's an assumption, and Ass-umptions are the root of all errors in thinking. Funny, you don't sound pathetic, a little dramatic maybe. Use the knives to make a salad. Some tomatoes, cukes, endive, red peppers would be nice............ Dave
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