Posted by bev on August 02, 1999 at 15:49:35:
In Reply to: Re: A two talks about it all, to Bev posted by Ronnie on August 02, 1999 at 03:57:21:
Ronnie
thanks again -- IMHO -- loved that acronym being a acrophobia players as well --
> for a two anger is difficult because it a) exposes you to a possible rejection b) makes you realize all the denied needs and makes it difficult to see yourself as "good". Your boss's feeling probably is jealousy, very difficult for a "needless" two to handle. Projecting his feelings onto you is just a defence, escaping the demands of his superego. The religion makes it even more difficult.
i concur with this analysis, jealous and resentful, and i guess as you note below, my two stress response is resentful that i should have to receive the brunt of his feelings, ah ain't life and personal growth grand!
> I think what would we be needed here is acceptance of those seemingly negative emotions. You've tried already and it didn't work. How about taking another point of view to all this? After all, he wants to be good and caring and what he is doing now is the opposite. What would happen if you made a point that the way he is behaving now is very uncaring and unempathic? That being open with *all* of his feelings actually is caring and considerate? I'm rather sure he's aware (at least unconsciously) of what's going on, but it's just very hard for him to admit it. If you could prove to him that being totally open, no matter how difficult it is, actually is the right and better thing to do, it would be easier for him to do it.
again good points, and IMHO as a 4 i think i one of my strong points is to be accepting particularly of diffences and this is one of the reasons why i chose the work i do... i do not judge these people who commit sexual offences because there for the grace of god go I...but having a stong 4 influences makes me fear that i will once again, take on the responsibility for his feelings and lose myself in that because he is very good at rationalizing and i am good at doubting myself...in some ways a perfect glove fit ...i get to berate myself for thinking such horrible thoughts about someone else and he gets to walk away feeling that he has been open and honest...also i think i'm a chicken... bawk bawk...*S*.. he is a gifted and eloquent speaker (3w) and i am not...my 4 and 5 influences sometimes makes me blunt and too honest, too self revealing...which is frightening to some people...
our relationship, at this point, seems to have been restored although i certainly do not feel as close to him as i have in the past... but you are right, and if something of this nature should come up again, i will try to address is more directly... " i have always enjoyed working with you and have great affection and respect for you but somehow i intuitively sense that you are angry, resentful, blahblahblah, toward me, can we talk about it?:...what do you think? does it sound manipulative?
bev