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Enneagram Main Board Archive Re: Are you serious?Posted by tiggy on September 19, 1999 at 20:49:16: In Reply to: Re: Are you serious? posted by Cecil on September 19, 1999 at 15:37:34: I think I had had almost a bottle of wine when I wrote that, I only vaguely remember doing it. But it would be lovely to marry a man like Sam, he's so poetic and sensitive. I normally go for hopeless men who are much younger than me and not very supportive, so I don't think I'm looking for a rescuer in that sense. I've always looked for a Father figure though. The space on my birth certificate where the father's name should be is just empty, as though I didn't have one. My adoptive father is okay, but I always wanted a father who was intellectual, an academic preferably, someone who understood my intellectual needs and could give me encouragement. I never understood what fathering was about until we did an exercise at a body psychotherapy workshop. You had to be in pairs and support the other persons back and then they talked about how they felt. Apparently the back is connected to the Father and the extent to which he has both given us support and pushed us out into the world. I know sometimes mothers do that, but I was never pushed enough. And my mum is very protective. No I haven't communicated with Sam apart from on this board. I just think he writes such lovely messages. I'd like to meet someone like that. He seems to be a wise person and I would like a sort of mentor like that. I'm a mentor to my nephew and it works quite well. None of your five suggestions/options sound very sensible or realistic. A relationship has to be balanced. If you just worry about yourself, then it will go wrong. If you just worry about him it will too. If he wants to do things for you then fine, but making him will lead to resentment. saying getting him no matter what it takes - sounds like you're not respecting yourself and are willing to live on any crumbs he might give. The last option is plainly false - you want him but he may not be what you need. You still need someone. Who doesn't. Do lots of deep breathing. and think what you would advise yourself if you were someone else or reading it in an agony aunts column. A romantic has so much to give, they just have to make sure they don't cast their pearls before swine.
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